For Entertainment Purposes Only
Une Douzaine de Roses
Hymn to Fortuna 2018
413 U.S. 15 / Miller vs. California Perfume OilOut of Stock
In 1974, a court ruling established a litmus test for obscenity in the United States. Does the First Amendment protect dirty birds? Yes, and no; it depends on where you are and what your neighbors perceive as naughty. The Court’s majority opinion stated that material could only be defined as obscene if
“(a) the average person, applying contemporary community standards, would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest; [and] (b) the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law; and (c) the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value”
If all three conditions are satisfied, voilà! — your work is obscene.
But is it art?
Although a work considered to have literary, artistic, political, or scientific value cannot, in theory, constitutionally be found to be obscene regardless of whether it appeals to prurient interest or is patently offensive, the question lies in how we can possibly determine with certainty whether or not a film, photograph, tale, or limerick has social value when philosophical and moral compasses vary so wildly from person to person and community to community.
Is a perfume inspired by an 18th Century painting of a dildo obscene?
What would your friends and neighbors say?
413 U.S. 15 / MILLER VS CALIFORNIA
Leather, cognac, fig, ripe berry, and cream, stuffed into a plain brown paper bag.
Proceeds from the sale of this scent benefits the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund.
A Rebus Perfume OilOut of Stock
Star jasmine, oppoponax, sweet oudh, tuberose absolute, ambrette seed, and oakmoss.
A Silhouette Perfume OilOut of Stock
Yellowing parchment and lampblack, a drop of lilac, a smear of labdanum, and a splash of white musk.
A View of Cascading Cherry Blossoms Perfume OilOut of Stock
A tumble of cherry blossoms falling into a pool of white musk and crushed strawberries.
Absurd Suggestive Card Game Perfume OilOut of Stock
When you need a change of pace from Strip Twister: lemon candies, orange suckers, and strawberry sugar.
Alabaster Vulva Perfume OilOut of Stock
White amber and sheer vanilla, orris butter, Italian bergamot, and narcissus.
An Encounter of Three Perfume OilOut of Stock
Caramelized white sandalwood, tonka bean, and cassis liqueur.
An Excerpt from Speculum Heroicum Principis Omnium Temporum Poëtarum Homeri Perfume OilOut of Stock
Brazilian vetiver, dark myrrh, peru balsam, laurel leaf, white sage, and cedar.
An Oiran of the Yoshiwara and Her Customer Perfume OilOut of Stock
Kadu leaf, white lavender, plum and ume blossom, a drop of pale cedar and crystal musk.
Aristocratic Prostitutes in Languid Repose Perfume OilOut of Stock
Poppy smoke, velvet jasmine, sweet three-year aged patchouli, and black plum.
Body, Remember Perfume OilOut of Stock
Body, remember not only how much you were loved,
not only the beds on which you lay,
but also those desires for you
that glowed plainly in the eyes,
and trembled in the voice–and some
chance obstacle made futile.
Now that all of them belong to the past,
it almost seems as if you had yielded
to those desires–how they glowed,
remember, in the eyes gazing at you;
how they trembled in the voice, for you, remember, body.
—Constantine Cavafy translated by Rae Dalven
Profoundly sensual. The echo of caresses: raw black coconut, ambergris accord, ambrette seed, champaca flower, and sugar cane.
Caressing the Wild Rabbit Perfume OilOut of Stock
White tea, honeycomb, vanilla orchid, and a drop of soft sandalwood.
Cat Chasing Butterflies Perfume OilOut of Stock
Peach blossom and amber with almond cream and sweet musk.
Cinq Perfume OilOut of Stock
Tea roses and shortbread.
Cock Stamen Perfume OilOut of Stock
Red orchid, dragon’s blood resin, blood orange, black lily, honey amber, and cacao
Couple Enjoying a Summer Breeze Perfume OilOut of Stock
White sage and patchouli with Himalayan cedarwood, sweet labdanum, and brown sugar.
Courtesan with a Secret Lover Perfume OilOut of Stock
Green tea, plum blossom, white musk, jasmine blossom honey, and lemon peel.
Dalliances by Candlelight Perfume OilOut of Stock
Beeswax, white patchouli, and honey.
Deux Perfume OilOut of Stock
Red rose petals dusted with a trove of ancient spices.
Dubious Ginseng Formula Perfume OilOut of Stock
Results not guaranteed. Ginseng root, crushed ginger, damiana essence, cubeb berries, and horny goat weed accord.
(DO NOT DRINK)
Edible G-String Perfume OilOut of Stock
Snap! Snap! Sugar crystals and tart candies with a splash of red musk.
(DO NOT EAT)
Exhausted Sailors Perfume OilOut of Stock
Salt-splashed silk, spiced cedar, hinoki wood, sea musk, a strand of kelp and a squeeze of lime.
Fortuna Annonaria Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of the Harvest
A hymn for increasing fecundity, and to help nurture all the seeds that you plant in the coming year: patchouli, licorice root, tobacco, and sandalwood.
Fortuna Balnearis Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Health and Well-Being
A hymn for good health and protection of the vulnerable: orange blossom honey, vanilla husk, green stem sap, and a drop of King mandarin.
Fortuna Barbata Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Adolescents
A hymn to blossoming in wisdom and strength as you come of age: King mandarin and warm vegetal musk.
Fortuna Belli Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of War
A hymn for triumph for those who do battle, whether it be with fists, ideas, or words: frankincense and dragon’s blood resin, saffron-threaded red musk, tomato leaf, tobacco absolute and tobacco leaf, and leather accord.
Fortuna Bona Perfume OilOut of Stock
Good Fortune Incarnate
A hymn to the successes, prosperity, good health, and blessings that are drawn to you when you possess honesty, bravery, and good character: Himalayan cedar and honey myrtle, cistus and clary sage, ambergris accord and white oudh.
Fortuna Conservatrix Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Those Who Protect the Defenseless
A hymn to give strength and good luck to those who safeguard others: black peppercorn, bitter almond, patchouli, and benzoin.
Fortuna Dubia Perfume OilOut of Stock
A hymn to avert misfortune and danger: honey infused with protective herbs and hope preserved in pale amber.
Fortuna Felix Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Joys of Good Fortune
A hymn to laughter, joy, and merriment: blood orange and champaca bubbling with blonde tobacco, osmanthus, sweet clove, and vanilla.
Fortuna Huiusce Diei Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Luck of the Day
A hymn to seizing good fortune in the moment: orange blossom and wild bergamot sweetened with apricot.
Fortuna Liberum Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Children
A hymn to the safety and freedom of children that they may prosper in health and wild joy: sweet vanilla tousled with orange blossom, blood orange peel, and a squirt of strawberry juice.
Fortuna Mala Perfume OilOut of Stock
A hymn to propitiate the gods of misfortune and honor the balance of forces in the universe: vetiver, patchouli, and black clove.
Fortuna Muliebris Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Women
A hymn for stability, health, strength, and fecundity: French lavender, white pear, and patchouli with clary sage, white tea, and sandalwood.
Fortuna Obsequens Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Love and Beauty
A hymn to romance and glamour, passion and virility, seduction and delight: red roses and blood musk enveloped in a haze of blackcurrant, red patchouli, leather accord, and black oudh.
Fortuna Populi Romani Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of the People
A hymn to the fortunes of your community, the blessings of civic duty, and the strength of many voices becoming one.
Smoked vanilla sandalwood and leather, golden oudh, ambrette seed, caramelized patchouli, a single thread of saffron, and a sprig of crushed juniper.
Proceeds from the sale of each bottle of Fortuna Ropuli Romani benefit the ACLU, who helps to ensure that the voice of the people is uncensored, unsilenced, and heard.
Fortuna Primigenia Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes that Govern Childbearing, the Fortunes of a Child at the Moment of Their Birth
A hymn for blessing new mothers and newborn babies: white ambrette seed, motherwort, peony, jasmine tea, green tea leaf, Italian bergamot, and white cedar.
(If you are pregnant or nursing, please do not use this oil, and please do not use this oil on infants or toddlers. It is best used in a scent locket, or to adorn clothing or amulets.)
Fortuna Redux Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Returning Home After a Perilous Journey
A hymn for safety while travelling: tobacco jasmine.
Fortuna Respiciens Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortune That Changes Bad Luck to Good, Intervention in Times of Need
A hymn for blessings: pomegranate juice, mint, and juniper berry.
Fortuna Restitutrix Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortunes of Warriors: She Who Restores, She Who Brings the Soldiers Home
A hymn for the safety and good fortune for soldiers, and a prayer to bring them home: leather, sweet clove, and olive blossom.
Fortuna Tranquilla Perfume OilOut of Stock
The Fortune of the Seas
A hymn to calming life’s storms and a blessing of serenity and level-headedness: champaca blossom and jasmine with a curl of lavender.
Globe Perfume OilOut of Stock
A russet chypre slathered in vintage patchouli and black tea with golden amber, hiba wood, and iris root.
Hojōjutsu Perfume OilOut of Stock
Red currant and rice milk with almond blossom and white tea.
Hope/ Auspicio Perfume OilOut of Stock
Black oudh and carnation.
Hyakki Yagyō Perfume OilOut of Stock
Demonic black musk, inky myrrh, black coconut, champaca blossom, and smoky clove bud.
Kinoko Perfume OilOut of Stock
Mushroom musk, oakmoss, and rooibos leaf.
Knee Bolster of Ono Perfume OilOut of Stock
Blue lilac, white sage, orris root, sweet pea, a smear of crushed blueberry, and tobacco leaf.
L’Intention Fait Valoir les Bagatelles Perfume OilOut of Stock
Black tea, lavender buds, Italian bergamot, and Siamese benzoin.
Lovers at the Entrance to a House of Pleasure Spied on by a Kamuro Through the Hanging Curtain Perfume OilOut of Stock
White gardenia, oakmoss, champaca blossom, magnolia leaf, vanilla orchid, and tobacco absolute.
Memorials of Friendship Perfume OilOut of Stock
Peach-tinted pale musk with neroli, ambergris accord, and champaca absolute.
Mirror of the Famous Generals of Japan Perfume OilOut of Stock
Leather, black pepper, cassis, khus, and black amber.
Monk and Actor Perfume OilOut of Stock
Soft auburn musk, clove bud, honeyed patchouli, oakmoss absolute, cashmere labdanum, cedar, and mimosa blossom.
Morning Glories in Bloom Perfume OilOut of Stock
Bamboo reeds and white chypre against a background of potted blossoms.
Night Thoughts Perfume OilOut of Stock
Stars, you are unfortunate, I pity you,
Beautiful as you are, shining in your glory,
Who guide seafaring men through stress and peril
And have no recompense from gods or mortals,
Love you do not, nor do you know what love is.
Hours that are aeons urgently conducting
Your figures in a dance through the vast heaven,
What journey have you ended in this moment,
Since lingering in the arms of my beloved
I lost all memory of you and midnight.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Lilac, blue musk, dianthus, cedar, neroli, ozone, and luminous Eastern herbs.
Novel Ideas for Secret Amusements Perfume OilOut of Stock
Polished tortoiseshell, ivory, and mahogany gleaming with amber cream.
One Perfect Day Perfume OilOut of Stock
You did not need to creep into my heart
The way you did. You could have smiled
And knowing what you did, you have kept apart
From all my inner soul. But you beguiled
Honeyed tea rose, lavender water, red benzoin, bois de rose, and rose amber.
Pink Fuzzy Handcuffs Perfume OilOut of Stock
It’s not quite as fun when you lose the key. Pink cotton candy, candied rose, and vanilla sugar.
Quatre Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cacao-dusted red rose petals.
Sapphics Perfume OilOut of Stock
All the night sleep came not upon my eyelids,
Shed not dew, nor shook nor unclosed a feather,
Yet with lips shut close and with eyes of iron
Stood and beheld me.
Then to me so lying awake a vision
Came without sleep over the seas and touched me,
Softly touched mine eyelids and lips; and I too,
Full of the vision,
Saw the white implacable Aphrodite,
Saw the hair unbound and the feet unsandalled
Shine as fire of sunset on western waters;
Saw the reluctant
Feet, the straining plumes of the doves that drew her,
Looking always, looking with necks reverted,
Back to Lesbos, back to the hills whereunder
Heard the flying feet of the Loves behind her
Make a sudden thunder upon the waters,
As the thunder flung from the strong unclosing
Wings of a great wind.
So the goddess fled from her place, with awful
Sound of feet and thunder of wings around her;
While behind a clamour of singing women
Severed the twilight.
Ah the singing, ah the delight, the passion!
All the Loves wept, listening; sick with anguish,
Stood the crowned nine Muses about Apollo;
Fear was upon them,
While the tenth sang wonderful things they knew not.
Ah the tenth, the Lesbian! the nine were silent,
None endured the sound of her song for weeping;
Laurel by laurel,
Faded all their crowns; but about her forehead,
Round her woven tresses and ashen temples
White as dead snow, paler than grass in summer,
Ravaged with kisses,
Shone a light of fire as a crown for ever.
Yea, almost the implacable Aphrodite
Paused, and almost wept; such a song was that song.
Yea, by her name too
Called her, saying, “Turn to me, O my Sappho;”
Yet she turned her face from the Loves, she saw not
Tears for laughter darken immortal eyelids,
Heard not about her
Fearful fitful wings of the doves departing,
Saw not how the bosom of Aphrodite
Shook with weeping, saw not her shaken raiment,
Saw not her hands wrung;
Saw the Lesbians kissing across their smitten
Lutes with lips more sweet than the sound of lute-strings,
Mouth to mouth and hand upon hand, her chosen,
Fairer than all men;
Only saw the beautiful lips and fingers,
Full of songs and kisses and little whispers,
Full of music; only beheld among them
Soar, as a bird soars
Newly fledged, her visible song, a marvel,
Made of perfect sound and exceeding passion,
Sweetly shapen, terrible, full of thunders,
Clothed with the wind’s wings.
Then rejoiced she, laughing with love, and scattered
Roses, awful roses of holy blossom;
Then the Loves thronged sadly with hidden faces
Then the Muses, stricken at heart, were silent;
Yea, the gods waxed pale; such a song was that song.
All reluctant, all with a fresh repulsion,
Fled from before her.
All withdrew long since, and the land was barren,
Full of fruitless women and music only.
Now perchance, when winds are assuaged at sunset,
Lulled at the dewfall,
By the grey sea-side, unassuaged, unheard of,
Unbeloved, unseen in the ebb of twilight,
Ghosts of outcast women return lamenting,
Purged not in Lethe,
Clothed about with flame and with tears, and singing
Songs that move the heart of the shaken heaven,
Songs that break the heart of the earth with pity,
Hearing, to hear them.
—Algernon Charles Swinburne
Tonka, oakmoss, tolu balsam, grey amber, myrrh, and muguet.
Scraps of Poetry Perfume OilOut of Stock
A citrus chypre with French lavender, yellow bergamot, and clove bud.
Six Perfume OilOut of Stock
Red roses, black leather, and toasted almond.
Smut Perfume OilOut of Stock
We are the smuttiest, fifteen years runnin’. Three swarthy, smutty musks sweetened with sugar and woozy with dark booze notes.
Snake Skin Perfume OilOut of Stock
For he seemed to me again like a king,
Like a king in exile, uncrowned in the underworld,
Now due to be crowned again.
A sinuous leather variant of BPALs Snake Oil.
Snake’s Kiss Perfume OilOut of Stock
And truly I was afraid, I was most afraid,
But even so, honoured still more
That he should seek my hospitality
From out the dark door of the secret earth.
Snake Oil with sugar, honeycomb, and thick vanilla cream.
Snow Scene with Cherry Blossoms Beside the Phallus Statue Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cherry blossoms cascading onto a snowdrift, white wisteria buds, and ume petals.
Some Heraldry Perfume OilOut of Stock
Black leather accord, Australian sandalwood, ambrette seed, incense ash, and tobacco absolute.
Swans on the River Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honeysuckle, white tuberose, gardenia petals, and wet green leaves.
Tennis Match Perfume OilOut of Stock
Crushed grass, dandelion sap, green oakmoss, lettuce leaf, and white pepper.
The Bird of Prey Perfume OilOut of Stock
Feathery brown musk and hay absolute with orris and leather.
The Pearl in the Volcano Perfume OilOut of Stock
Rice milk, warm myrrh, red currant, red amber cream, and a trickle of vetiver.
The Perfumed Garden Perfume OilOut of Stock
Under her neck my right hand
Has served her for a cushion,
And to draw her to me
I have sent out my left hand,
Which bore her up as a bed.
The Perfumed Garden for the Soul’s Recreation. This scent is based on a venerable Tunisian perfume that was used to excite the senses, inspire sensuality and inflame passion. Myrrh and Moroccan jasmine with apple peel, Indian sandalwood, myrtle, quince, citron, and thyme poured over soft musk.
The Pleasure of Aristocratic Women Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honeyed amber, teakwood, almond, and coconut.
The Silk Strings of the Shamisen Perfume OilOut of Stock
Wisteria and white clove, green tea leaf, and frankincense.
Trois Perfume OilOut of Stock
White rose, orris root, and ambergris accord.
Twelve Ways to Play a Musical Instrument Perfume OilOut of Stock
Blue lilac, pink pepper, birch tar, juniper berry, and lemon peel.
Twilight Grooming Scene Perfume OilOut of Stock
A vibrant green chypre with orange blossom, pine needles, and violet leaf.
Un Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cherry-dipped rose candy.
Visiting the Sumida River with a Geisha Perfume OilOut of Stock
Crystalline azure musk, orange blossom, water lily, hinoki wood, Texas cedar, and night-blooming jasmine.
Vivid Enjoyment of the Memory of Rupture Perfume OilOut of Stock
Rice milk, white ginger, oakmoss, ti leaf, and cardamom pod.
We Believe that Death is Not the End of Man Perfume OilOut of Stock
Black terebinth, tamil nadu sandalwood, frankincense, black chestnut, and myrrh.
Woman Dragging Her Aroused Lover Across a Bridge Perfume OilOut of Stock
Sweet amber and rosewood, wet oak beams, smoky vanilla husk, ambrette seed, and hinoki wood.
Womb Furie Perfume OilOut of Stock
In the middle of the flanks of women lies the womb, a female viscus, closely resembling an animal; for it is moved of itself hither and thither in the flanks, also upwards in a direct line to below the cartilage of the thorax and also obliquely to the right or to the left, either to the liver or spleen; and it likewise is subject to falling downwards, and, in a word, it is altogether erratic. It delights, also, in fragrant smells, and advances towards them; and it has an aversion to fetid smells, and flees from them; and on the whole the womb is like an animal within an animal.
— Aretaeus the Cappadocian
Oh, that wily womb! Hippocrates and his followers considered the womb a mobile creature, causing mayhem as it writhed its way through a woman’s body. Sometimes this ornery organ, due to lack of sexual activity, would create conflicts within a woman’s system or would become blocked itself, causing anxiety, nervousness, water retention, and sleeplessness. With the assistance of doctors, nursemaids, hand tools, or, occasionally, self-manipulation, this vexing condition could be alleviated through hysterical paroxysms.
Or, as we call it nowadays: orgasm.
An itch that needs to be scratched: Snake Oil and three types of honey.