We have not long to love.
A night. A day…
— Tennessee Williams
It seems astounding that in the very futuristic-sounding year of 2022, we’re still grappling with the same old inclinations toward eros, connecting to the sublime erotic unconscious through art, poetry, role-play, spellwork, and the occasional hookup app. We evolved as a product of primordial lust, and to lust we shall return.
However, expressions of lust are evolving just as rapidly as we are, manifesting through fresh combinations of identity, orientation, and algorithm. Despite being an experience that tends to be associated with nostalgia, love truly belongs to the future! We hunger for the transformations that love may bring, even though the lessons we learn from it haunt us to the end of our days — perhaps even after. Though at times we crave to be free from this hunger, and the demands it imposes upon us, it can be difficult to imagine who we’d be without it.
Lupercalia is a special time for us here at the Lab, an opportunity to pump some heat through these slack mid-winter veins, to pave a path toward reunion with the Sun’s warmth, the earth’s kiss. As SoCal residents we experience an abundance of springtime in February, and through the Luper release we cast these petals to the far winds. We hope you will manage to catch one and tuck it away somewhere as an investment in future fantasies.
Bag of Dicks
Box of Chocolates 2022
Honey Pot 2022
All Joys Are Due to Thee Perfume OilOut of Stock
Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee,
As souls unbodied, bodies uncloth’d must be,
To taste whole joys.
– John Donne
Warm skin musk with a hint of honey dust.
Amor, To Show That He Was Pleased, Approvingly (In Silence) Sneezed Perfume OilOut of Stock
Phyllis Corydon clutched to him
her head at rest beneath his chin.
He said, “If I don’t love you more
than ever maid was loved before
I shall (if this the years not prove)
in Afric or the Indian grove
some green-eyed lion serve for food.”
Amor, to show that he was pleased,
approvingly (in silence) sneezed.
Then Phyllis slightly raised her head
(her lips were full and wet and red)
to kiss the sweet eyes full of her:
“Corydon mine, with me prefer
always to serve unique Amor:
my softer flesh the fire licks
more greedily and deeper sticks.”
Amor, to show that he was pleased,
approvingly (in silence) sneezed.
So loving and loved so, they rove
between twin auspices of Love.
Corydon sets in his eye-list
Phyllis before all other dust;
Phyllis on Corydon expends
her nubile toys, Love’s dividends.
Could Venus yield more love-delight
than here she grants in Love’s requite?
– Catullus, translated by Peter Whigham
Vanilla cream and lemon sugar honey cakes dusted with candied flowers.
(This will come as a shock to no one that knows me: Gaius Valerius Catullus is one of my favorite Roman poets. )
Black Honey, Spicy Black Rose, and Amber Oud Perfume OilOut of Stock
Bright Red Dildo Perfume OilOut of Stock
I beg you, don’t lie, dear Coritto: Who was the Man who stitched for you this bright red dildo?
I don’t know if Cerdon is from Chios or Erythrae; bald, small – you’d call him a right ‘Mr. Tradesman’. You’ll think you’re seeing the handiwork of Athena herself not Cerdon’s.
I – for he arrived bringing two, Metro – at the sight of them – well my eyes bulged; men can’t make their rods as rigid as this – we are alone and can be frank – and not only that, these are as soft as sleep; and the little leather straps are as soft as wool, not like leather straps at all. A kinder cobbler to a woman you’ll not find – even by putting-out.
Why then did you not take the other one as well?
What didn’t I do, Metro? What sort of means of persuasion did I not apply him? Kissing him, stroking his bald head, pouring out a sweet drink for him, calling him by a pet name, giving him all by my body to enjoy.
If he asked even that you ought to have given him it.
Red leather and honey.
Bronze Dildo Perfume OilOut of Stock
Inspired by a 2nd century BCE bronze phallus that was found in the Jiangsu province: metallic bronze musk, 6-year aged patchouli, and deep russet amber speckled with a patina of dark oakmoss, green cardamom, and tonka.
Cacao, Black Leather, and Incense Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cacao, Palo Santo, and Copal Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cameo Chaperone Perfume OilOut of Stock
No one living recalls
the significance of this thimble
or marble, whether
they came to rest here idly
or were held aside just so,
separately or as a pair,
in service to memory or an
experience she sought
to prolong, faceless tokens of
something or perhaps nothing,
interred under a domed lid
and overseen by this stern,
restless figure, glued to its seat
In the absence of these details
her descendants keep turning
the small crank underneath
and listening to the same
blurry notes from Be My Love
(picked out through clockwork teeth
when the dome is raised, silenced
mid-thought when it lowers) thinking
about the contents (thimble, marble)
rolling around together, coming
to rest in the concave dish
like two strangers pawing
at each other in the darkness
Tulips scattered over silvery musk, ambrette seed, black orchid, and red benzoin.
Chocolate Buttercream Perfume OilOut of Stock
Dark Chocolate, Whiskey, and Hazelnut Cream Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honey and Ylang Ylang Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honey, Green Tea, and Khus Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honeyed Amber, Apple Pulp, and Neroli Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honeyed Mushroom and Incense Perfume OilOut of Stock
Honeyed Weed and Dandelions Perfume OilOut of Stock
Ice Age Baton Perfume OilOut of Stock
This is a term archeologists have resorted to when classifying vaguely (or even explicitly) phallic artifacts dating back 30,000 years, found in stone, chalk, antler, ivory, you name it. A testament to our species’ ability to spend millennia debating who was doing it where, with what.
A petrified relic of pleasures past: ivory-hued vanilla bean, cacao, white amber, and marbled tobacco unearthed from a chalky rubble.
Luperci 2022 Perfume OilOut of Stock
Piss off, Saint Valentine! Lupercalia is an ancient Roman celebration, held on February 15th, that kicked in the advent of Spring with a very, very festive purification, fertility and sexuality ritual. The ritual began near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine, an area sacred to Faunus, as well as Ruminia, Romulus and Remus. During Lupercalia, Vestal Virgins first made offerings of sacred cakes to the fig tree under which the she-wolf suckled the Sacred Twins. A dog and two goats were then offered in sacrifice to Faunus. The blood of the sacrifice was smeared onto two naked patrician youths, who were assisted by the Virgins, and the blood was wiped clean with sacred wool dipped in milk. The youths donned the skins of the sacrificial goats, wielding whips made from the goat skins, and then led the priests and the Virgins around the pomarium, and around the base hills of Rome. This was a ceremony of great happiness and merriment, and was of particular interest to young women: being touched by the goat-whips young men that led the procession ensured their fertility in the coming year. It is believed that, after the initial rite, male participants would draw the name of an available maiden, with whom he spent the rest of the night. This scent is for the Luperci, the Chosen of Faunus, the Brothers of the Wolf: raw, down and dirty patchouli, Gurjam balsam, and essence of Sampson Root sweetened with the heightened sexuality of beeswax, virile juniper, oakmoss, ambrette seed over honey and East African musk.
Neutral Tones Perfume OilOut of Stock
We stood by a pond that winter day,
And the sun was white, as though chidden of God,
And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;
– They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.
Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove
Over tedious riddles of years ago;
And some words played between us to and fro
On which lost the more by our love.
The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing
Alive enough to have strength to die;
And a grin of bitterness swept thereby
Like an ominous bird a-wing…
Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,
And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me
Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree,
And a pond edged with grayish leaves.
– Thomas Hardy
Colorless and leaden, bittersweet and sorrowful: ambergris and silvered sage with white cognac and elemi.
Olisbokollike Perfume OilOut of Stock
Another venerable ancient Greek tradition: boners made of bread. The farther past its sell-by date, the better!
A shockingly stiff and lightly oiled symmikto proto-baguette with a dribble of sweet cream.
One Girl 2022 Perfume OilOut of Stock
Like the sweet apple which reddens upon the topmost bough,
Atop on the topmost twig, — which the pluckers forgot, somehow, —
Forget it not, nay; but got it not, for none could get it till now.
Like the wild hyacinth flower which on the hills is found,
Which the passing feet of the shepherds for ever tear and wound,
Until the purple blossom is trodden in the ground.
– Sappho, translated by Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Wild orchid, indigo poppies, incense smoke, wisteria, and apple pulp.
Purple Jelly Dildo Perfume OilOut of Stock
A distinctly modern (if somewhat jejune) aesthetic, otherworldly and yet oddly reassuring in both its artifice and sense of humor. A gateway lay to more intimidating forms of play!
An effervescent, bright purple grape.
Smut 2022 Perfume OilOut of Stock
Three smutty musks sweetened with sugar and woozy with dark booze notes.
Spurious Cooter Bees Perfume OilOut of Stock
For many years there has been a story floating around crediting Cleopatra with the invention of the vibrator, alleging that she would fill a box or gourd with bees and utilize the buzzing contraption as a sex toy. In doing our due diligence, we have found absolutely nothing that can corroborate this claim – however, the inspiration still moves us.
Honey with a little ginger buzz.
Stainless Steel Dildo Perfume OilOut of Stock
Space Age technology: gleaming polished steel and a buzzy floral aldehyde.
Sweet Hypsithilla Perfume OilOut of Stock
Sweet Hypsithilla, passion’s delight,
My gleeful soul, bid me to come;
Noontide is nearing, bar not the gate —
Hence roam ye not, stay close at home.
Prepare our pleasures in nine fresh ways,
Thighs joined with thighs, nine bouts we’ll try:
Instant the summons, dinner is past,
Heated with love, supine I lie,
Bursting my tunic, swollen with longing:
Leave me not thus, dear, your lover wronging.
– my buddy, Catullus
Nine fragrances for nine positions: pulsating red musk, thick golden honey, a slap of leather, filthy patchouli, pious frankincense, frothy ambergris, sweet vanilla, gritty cacao, and fiery red tobacco.
The Terrible Door Perfume OilOut of Stock
Too long outside your door I have shivered.
You open it? I will not stay.
I’m haunted by your ashen beauty.
Take back your hand. I have gone away.
Don’t talk, but move to that near corner.
I loathe the long cold shadow here.
We will stand a moment in the lamplight,
Until I watch you hard and near.
Happy release! Good-bye for ever!
Here at the corner we say good-bye.
But if you want me, if you do need me,
Who waits, at the terrible door, but I?
– Harold Monro
Pale frankincense, white pear, chilled musk, and cognac.
White Chocolate, Pink Carnation, Coconut Cream, and Clove Perfume OilOut of Stock
White Chocolate, Strawberry Pulp, and Calvados Perfume OilOut of Stock
White Honey, Lemon Peel, and Salt Perfume OilOut of Stock
Wild Nights – Wild Nights! Perfume OilOut of Stock
Wild nights – Wild nights!
Were I with thee
Wild nights should be
Futile – the winds –
To a Heart in port –
Done with the Compass –
Done with the Chart!
Rowing in Eden –
Ah – the Sea!
Might I but moor – tonight –
– Emily Dickinson
A storm-tossed tempest of red-streaked black musk, vanilla absolute, smoked patchouli, night-blooming jasmine, vetiver, and cardamom sugar.
Wildflower Honey, Pink Rose, and Sandalwood Perfume OilOut of Stock
Womb Furie 2022 Perfume OilOut of Stock
In the middle of the flanks of women lies the womb, a female viscus, closely resembling an animal; for it is moved of itself hither and thither in the flanks, also upwards in a direct line to below the cartilage of the thorax and also obliquely to the right or to the left, either to the liver or spleen; and it likewise is subject to falling downwards, and, in a word, it is altogether erratic. It delights, also, in fragrant smells, and advances towards them; and it has an aversion to fetid smells, and flees from them; and on the whole the womb is like an animal within an animal.
— Aretaeus the Cappadocian
Oh, that wily womb! Hippocrates and his followers considered the womb a mobile creature, causing mayhem as it writhed its way through a woman’s body. Sometimes this ornery organ, due to lack of sexual activity, would create conflicts within a woman’s system or would become blocked itself, causing anxiety, nervousness, water retention, and sleeplessness. With the assistance of doctors, nursemaids, hand tools, or, occasionally, self-manipulation, this vexing condition could be alleviated through hysterical paroxysms.
Or, as we call it nowadays: orgasm.
An itch that needs to be scratched: Snake Oil and three types of honey.