Lupercalia 2019

Happy Lupercalia, perverts!

  • Alleviate the Frenzy Perfume Oil

    Nor should you wonder at all these things which are natural to women, and are particularly expected of the condition of virgins; because of retention of the sexual fluid, the heart and surrounding areas are enveloped in a morbid and moist exudation: this is especially true of the more lascivious females, inclined to venery, passionate women who are most eager to experience physical pleasure; if she is of this type she cannot ever be relieved by any aid except that of her parents who are advised to find her a husband. Having done so the man’s strong and vigorous intercourse alleviated the frenzy. She married an energetic young man, who, having discharged his marital responsibilities with vigor, she took to this with enthusiasm; under this appropriate treatment she flourished, revived, bloomed with the rosy shade of well-being, and was entirely restored to health.
    – Zacutus Lusitanus, Praxis Medica Admiranda, 1637

    Lascivious females! Are you suffering from morbid, moist exudations? Restore your health and the rosy glow of well-being! Heady peach musk aglow with sugared amber.

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  • Body, Remember Perfume Oil

    Body, remember not only how much you were loved,
    not only the beds on which you lay,
    but also those desires for you
    that glowed plainly in the eyes,
    and trembled in the voice–and some
    chance obstacle made futile.
    Now that all of them belong to the past,
    it almost seems as if you had yielded
    to those desires–how they glowed,
    remember, in the eyes gazing at you;
    how they trembled in the voice, for you, remember, body.
    —Constantine Cavafy translated by Rae Dalven

    Profoundly sensual. The echo of caresses: raw black coconut, ambergris accord, ambrette seed, champaca flower, and sugar cane.

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  • Bright Red Dildo Perfume Oil

    METRO
    I beg you, don’t lie, dear Coritto: Who was the Man who stitched for you this bright red dildo?

    CORITTO
    I don’t know if Cerdon is from Chios or Erythrae; bald, small – you’d call him a right ‘Mr. Tradesman’. You’ll think you’re seeing the handiwork of Athena herself not Cerdon’s.
    I – for he arrived bringing two, Metro – at the sight of them – well my eyes bulged; men can’t make their rods as rigid as this – we are alone and can be frank – and not only that, these are as soft as sleep; and the little leather straps are as soft as wool, not like leather straps at all. A kinder cobbler to a woman you’ll not find – even by putting-out.

    METRO
    Why then did you not take the other one as well?

    CORITTO
    What didn’t I do, Metro? What sort of means of persuasion did I not apply him? Kissing him, stroking his bald head, pouring out a sweet drink for him, calling him by a pet name, giving him all by my body to enjoy.

    METRO
    If he asked even that you ought to have given him it.

    Red leather and honey.

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  • Come Slowly – Eden! Perfume Oil

    Come slowly—Eden
    Lips unused to Thee—
    Bashful—sip thy Jessamines
    As the fainting Bee—

    Reaching late his flower,
    Round her chamber hums—
    Counts his nectars—
    Enters—and is lost in Balms.
    – Emily Dickinson

    Yellow jessamine gilded with amber, copoiba balsam, apple peel, beeswax, wild fig, sage honey, and champa.

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  • I Die of Love Perfume Oil

    I die of love for him, perfect in every way,
    Lost in the strains of wafting music.
    My eyes are fixed upon his delightful body
    And I do not wonder at his beauty.
    His waist is a sapling, his face a moon,
    And loveliness rolls off his rosy cheek
    I die of love for you, but keep this secret:
    The tie that binds us is an unbreakable rope.
    How much time did your creation take, O angel?
    So what! All I want is to sing your praises.
    – Abu Nuwas

     

    Balsam-dusted leather, crushed lilac, bay rum, soft black musk, cubeb berry, and smoke.

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  • Love’s Philosophy Perfume Oil

    The fountains mingle with the river,
    And the rivers with the ocean;
    The winds of heaven mix forever,
    With a sweet emotion;
    Nothing in the world is single;
    All things by a law divine
    In one another’s being mingle; —
    Why not I with thine?

    See! the mountains kiss high heaven,
    And the waves clasp one another;
    No sister flower would be forgiven,
    If it disdained it’s brother;
    And the sunlight clasps the earth,
    And the moonbeams kiss the sea; —
    What are all these kissings worth,
    If thou kiss not me?
    – Percy Bysshe Shelley

    Vanilla, saffron, and cream.

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  • Luperci Perfume Oil

    Piss off, Saint Valentine! Lupercalia is an ancient Roman celebration, held on February 15th, that kicked in the advent of Spring with a very, very festive purification, fertility and sexuality ritual. The ritual began near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine, an area sacred to Faunus, as well as Ruminia, Romulus and Remus. During Lupercalia, Vestal Virgins first made offerings of sacred cakes to the fig tree under which the she-wolf suckled the Sacred Twins. A dog and two goats were then offered in sacrifice to Faunus. The blood of the sacrifice was smeared onto two naked patrician youths, who were assisted by the Virgins, and the blood was wiped clean with sacred wool dipped in milk. The youths donned the skins of the sacrificial goats, wielding whips made from the goat skins, and then led the priests and the Virgins around the pomarium, and around the base hills of Rome. This was a ceremony of great happiness and merriment, and was of particular interest to young women: being touched by the goat-whips young men that led the procession ensured their fertility in the coming year. It is believed that, after the initial rite, male participants would draw the name of an available maiden, with whom he spent the rest of the night. This scent is for the Luperci, the Chosen of Faunus, the Brothers of the Wolf: raw, down and dirty patchouli, Gurjam balsam, and essence of Sampson Root sweetened with the heightened sexuality of beeswax, virile juniper, oakmoss, ambrette seed over honey and East African musk.

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  • Smut Perfume Oil

    Three swarthy, smutty musks sweetened with sugar and woozy with dark booze notes.

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  • The Complaint of Daphnis Perfume Oil

    If it be sinne to loue a louely Lad:
    Oh then sinne I, for whom my soule is sad.

    O would to God (so I might have my fee)
    My lips were honey, and thy mouth a Bee.
    Then shouldst thou sucke my sweete and my faire flower
    That now is ripe, and full of honey-berries.
    – Richard Barnfield

    Animalic, sensuous, and fierce: juniper berry and patchouli with leather, black musk, burgundy pitch, and honey-berries.

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  • Womb Furie Perfume Oil

    In the middle of the flanks of women lies the womb, a female viscus, closely resembling an animal; for it is moved of itself hither and thither in the flanks, also upwards in a direct line to below the cartilage of the thorax and also obliquely to the right or to the left, either to the liver or spleen; and it likewise is subject to falling downwards, and, in a word, it is altogether erratic. It delights, also, in fragrant smells, and advances towards them; and it has an aversion to fetid smells, and flees from them; and on the whole the womb is like an animal within an animal.
    — Aretaeus the Cappadocian

    Oh, that wily womb! Hippocrates and his followers considered the womb a mobile creature, causing mayhem as it writhed its way through a woman’s body. Sometimes this ornery organ, due to lack of sexual activity, would create conflicts within a woman’s system or would become blocked itself, causing anxiety, nervousness, water retention, and sleeplessness. With the assistance of doctors, nursemaids, hand tools, or, occasionally, self-manipulation, this vexing condition could be alleviated through hysterical paroxysms.

    Or, as we call it nowadays: orgasm.

    An itch that needs to be scratched: Snake Oil and three types of honey.

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Lupercalia 2019 - Out the Dark Door of the Secret Earth

And so, I missed my chance with one of the lords
Of life.

  • Snake Skin Perfume Oil

    For he seemed to me again like a king,
    Like a king in exile, uncrowned in the underworld,
    Now due to be crowned again.

    A sinuous leather variant of BPALs Snake Oil.

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  • Snake’s Kiss Perfume Oil

    And truly I was afraid, I was most afraid,
    But even so, honoured still more
    That he should seek my hospitality
    From out the dark door of the secret earth.

    Snake Oil with sugar, honeycomb, and thick vanilla cream.

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  • Snake’s Shadow Perfume Oil

    In the deep, strange-scented shade of the great dark carob-tree
    I came down the steps with my pitcher
    And must wait, must stand and wait, for there he was at the trough before me.

    Snake Oil, black oudh, labdanum, vetiver, and 10-year aged patchouli.

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  • Snake’s Tongue Perfume Oil

    He lifted his head from his drinking, as cattle do,
    And looked at me vaguely, as drinking cattle do,
    And flickered his two-forked tongue from his lips, and mused a moment,
    And stooped and drank a little more…

    Snake Oil with caramelized tobacco, davana, black amber, bourbon vanilla absolute, ambergris accord, oakmoss, and CO2 extract of oak wood.

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Lupercalia 2019 - The Honey Pot


Where is the ancient wealth wherewith I clothed
Our human nakedness, and could endow
With spiritual splendour a white brow
That else had grinned at me the fact I loathed?
A kiss is but a kiss now! and no wave
Of a great flood that whirls me to the sea.
But, as you will! we’ll sit contentedly,
And eat our pot of honey on the grave.

Lupercalia 2019 - The Hearthstone and the Heat

The heart is, as it were, the hearthstone and source of the innate heat by which the animal is governed… The heart is a hard flesh, not easily injured. In hardness, tension, general strength, and resistance to injury, the fibers of the heart far surpass all others, for no other instrument performs such continuous, hard work as the heart… The complexity of [the heart’s] fibers… was prepared by Nature to perform a variety of functions… enlarging when it desires to attract what is useful, clasping its contents when it is time to enjoy what has been attracted, and contracting when it desires to expel residues.

While Galenic physiology may not have been spot-on regarding the basic structures and anatomical functions of the heart, Galen’s assessments can be read quite accurately as metaphors.

A series of scents inspired by the human heart in all its resilience and vulnerability.

Lupercalia 2019 - Smutty Hair Gloss

A paean to porn.

  • Le Coucher de la Mariee Hair Gloss

    Believed to be the first pornographic film, Le Coucher de la Mariée was first screened in Paris in 1896. Billowing white clouds of sugared vanilla chypre.

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  • Peep Show Hair Gloss

    Neon strawberry, pink peppercorn, viscous white honey amber, and a smear of Brazilian vetiver.

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  • Smokers Hair Gloss

    Stag films – or smokers – are pornographic shorts of the early-to-mid 20th century that were created clandestinely and anonymously by amateur actors in order to circumvent censorship laws. A flicker of black pepper crackling over a celluloid stream of white musk, elemi, bay laurel, tobacco leaf, ambergris accord, and vanilla husk.

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  • Smut Hair Gloss

    Three swarthy, smutty musks sweetened with sugar and woozy with dark booze notes.

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  • X Hair Gloss

    Velvet red roses, bourbon tobacco, and smoked tonka.

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Lupercalia 2019 - Teddy’s Junk Tour

A few years back Beth and I were walking the streets of Edinburgh when I noticed a statue of a man with his naughty bits hanging out. It was cold – really cold – and I commented to Beth that I would personally not want my junk bouncing around in the freezing air like that, especially for all eternity. I posted the photo on Instagram and titled it Junk. We both had a laugh about it, and some of our friends commented that I should make a perfume of the Junk. As we traveled more, I noticed that tons more statues, wall reliefs, sculptures, and paintings had their junk hanging out for all to see. Tons of Cherub Junk, some Unicorn Junk, some Paleolithic Junk. All manner of Junk.

In that moment, I knew my life’s mission.
I have collected some of the more interesting and fun junk photos that I took while I was wandering around the United Kingdom and France for your enjoyment. And with that, I present Ted’s Junk Tour: inspired by Junk, perfumed by Beth.

Lupercalia 2019 - Novel Ideas for Secret Amusements 2019

A limited edition Salon series celebrating the joy, humor, playfulness, and thrill of sexual intercourse through scent interpretations of Edo era Japanese erotic art.

This is a Limited Edition series that will run through 20 May 2019. No imp’s ears are available for this series.

While we have listed the notes of these scents for your edification and convenience, we prefer not to offer any descriptive passages for these scents.