Bagpipe Dog Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Loyal. Faithful. Perpetually rehearsing “Scotland the Brave.” This is a mascot with real staying power. Bagpipe Dog will outlive us all.
Gin and pine needle with lime and white juniper.
Bellicose Clam Alchemy LabAdd to cart
If America’s political outlook doesn’t improve soon, this one is still a solid rebranding option.
Yuzu, pink grapefruit, King mandarin, white musk, and lemon peel.
Constipated Elephant Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Because nothing says “scrappy indie perfumer with authority-figure issues” like a pachyderm who’s too P.O.’ed to poop.
Ambergris accord, Mysore sandalwood, ambrette seed, cypress, nagarmotha, and grey agarwood.
Eyeball Seaboar Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Scratched at the last minute on the advice of our legal counsel, who was afraid people might misunderstand and pour the perfume directly into their eyes. “For External Purposes Only Seaboar” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
White sandalwood, sweet patchouli, sea salt, Italian bergamot, and honey.
Fishtail Beaver Alchemy LabAdd to cart
All activism scents all the time, except we’re too self-conscious to release them. They sit on a shelf and our friends love trying them on whenever they visit. We think they’re just being nice.
Himalayan cedar and patchouli with vanilla husk and mint.
Injured Dickchest Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Forget everything you know about “brand awareness” and consider a timeline in which Injured Dickchest becomes a viral internet sensation, complete with animated TV spinoff and celebrities’ kids repping our merch. If you enjoy being able to afford our products, be grateful that IDAL never made it past the brainstorming stage.
Champaca blossom, bourbon vanilla, pink pepper, and green tea.
Mopey Boar Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Tagline: “Extraordinary scents for extraordinarily forlorn people.”
Truffles and clove bud with smoky incense, cardamom pod, and ginger.
Saddypants Lion Alchemy LabAdd to cart
We simply didn’t have enough cumulative Leo energy to pull this one off.
Golden amber and sweet almond with tonka bean, peach juice, and honey musk.
Smug Yale Alchemy LabAdd to cart
Ivy League? Pshhh, the only book learnin’ you really need is the kind that comes bedecked with mythical beasts — preferably those armed with tusks, swiveling horns, and a totally unearned sense of importance.
Vanilla bean and wild grasses.
Sour Pard Alchemy LabAdd to cart
In case you’re wondering whether we’d actually have the balls to forge ahead with such an openly testy mascot, the answer is: not yet… but you stand warned.
Ginjinha and dried red fruits, bitter almond, carnation, tonka bean, and red musk.
Stoned Griffin Alchemy LabAdd to cart
If we’d known sixteen years ago which direction the legislative wind would end up blowing, things might have gone very differently for BPAL. Stoned Griffin is like a distant cousin of Black Phoenix who never quit his college band, and tells you the same three stories at every Lunacy event (but they’re really good ones).
Kush, fiery red patchouli, myrrh, and sweet black musk.