A Pantomime of Deviltry and Debauch in Seven Acts
PERFUME OIL BLENDS
Presented in an amber apothecary vial.
$32.00
Snake Oil with King mandarin, myrrh, and almond.
A Pantomime of Deviltry and Debauch in Seven Acts
PERFUME OIL BLENDS
Presented in an amber apothecary vial.
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The boardinghouse masters came aboard in a trice
A shouting and a promising all that was nice
Til one old crib took a liking to me
Says he you’re a fool, lad, to follow the sea
And it’s row, row bullies row
Says he there’s a job as is waiting for you
With lashings of liquor and beggar-all to do
Says he what you say lad, will you? – or two?
Says I you old bastard, I’m damned if I do
And it’s row, row bullies row
But the best of intentions they never goes far
After thirty two days at the door of the bar
I tossed off me liquor and what do you think
That rotten old bastard had doctored me drink
And it’s row, row bullies row
Next I remember I woke in the morn
On a the three skysail yarder bound south round Cape Horn
With an old set of oilskins and two pair of socks
And an IOU nailed to the lid of my box
And it’s row, row bullies row
Honeyed rum, a whiff of almond, and a hint of something suspiciously soporific.
Carrying bouquet, and handkerchief, and gloves,
Proud of her height as when she lived, she moves
With all the careless and high-stepping grace,
And the extravagant courtesan’s thin face.
Was slimmer waist e’er in a ball-room wooed?
Her floating robe, in royal amplitude,
Falls in deep folds around a dry foot, shod
With a bright flower-like shoe that gems the sod.
The swarms that hum about her collar-bones
As the lascivious streams caress the stones,
Conceal from every scornful jest that flies,
Her gloomy beauty; and her fathomless eyes
Are made of shade and void; with flowery sprays
Her skull is wreathed artistically, and sways,
Feeble and weak, on her frail vertebrae.
O charm of nothing decked in folly! they
Who laugh and name you a Caricature,
They see not, they whom flesh and blood allure,
The nameless grace of every bleached, bare bone,
That is most dear to me, tall skeleton!
Come you to trouble with your potent sneer
The feast of Life! or are you driven here,
To Pleasure’s Sabbath, by dead lusts that stir
And goad your moving corpse on with a spur?
Or do you hope, when sing the violins,
And the pale candle-flame lights up our sins,
To drive some mocking nightmare far apart,
And cool the flame hell lighted in your heart?
Fathomless well of fault and foolishness!
Eternal alembic of antique distress!
Still o’er the curved, white trellis of your sides
The sateless, wandering serpent curls and glides.
And truth to tell, I fear lest you should find,
Among us here, no lover to your mind;
Which of these hearts beat for the smile you gave?
The charms of horror please none but the brave.
Your eyes’ black gulf, where awful broodings stir,
Brings giddiness; the prudent reveller
Sees, while a horror grips him from beneath,
The eternal smile of thirty-two white teeth.
For he who has not folded in his arms
A skeleton, nor fed on graveyard charms,
Recks not of furbelow, or paint, or scent,
When Horror comes the way that Beauty went.
O irresistible, with fleshless face,
Say to these dancers in their dazzled race:
“Proud lovers with the paint above your bones,
Ye shall taste death, musk scented skeletons!
Withered Antinoüs, dandies with plump faces,
Ye varnished cadavers, and grey Lovelaces,
Ye go to lands unknown and void of breath,
Drawn by the rumour of the Dance of Death.
From Seine’s cold quays to Ganges’ burning stream,
The mortal troupes dance onward in a dream;
They do not see, within the opened sky,
The Angel’s sinister trumpet raised on high.
In every clime and under every sun,
Death laughs at ye, mad mortals, as ye run;
And oft perfumes herself with myrrh, like ye
And mingles with your madness, irony!
A gloriously elegant representation of Lady Death. Dry, bone-white orris, black musk, serpentine patchouli and our murkiest myrrh.
How decent were you this year? Don’t bother to lie… the coin knows all, the coin tells all.
We’re releasing an extremely limited quantity of this collectible coin and perfume set, just in time for a last-minute redemption arc. The bearer of each hefty diestruck 2” coin is officially qualified to diagnose niceness or naughtiness (their own, or others’) within a 0.0001% margin of error. Just spin it, flip it, or toss it for nearly instant results.
We’ll even help you leverage the outcome: proceeds from the sales of this set will be split between Feeding America and Philabundance.
So if it still comes up NAUGHTY… you know you really blew it somewhere!
Art and coin design by the inimitable Tanya Bjork!
NAUGHTY
Solve. No judgment from us: whatever you did, you surely had your reasons! Instead we’ll simply break down your stubborn resistance to virtue with a dose of black leather, patchouli, and sweet oud, dissipating any lingering angst with a volley of lemon peel, dried plum, opium pod, cardamom, hazelnut, almond, and dates.
NICE
Coagula. Let us join together in smug benevolence! The rewards will be plentiful for those gathered up in our aetheric cloud of sugared vanilla musk, candyfloss, and ruby chocolate warmed with a hint of clove.
Obergefell vs Hodges
If, even as the price to be paid for a fifth vote, I ever joined an opinion for the Court that began: ‘The Constitution promises liberty to all within its reach, a liberty that includes certain specific rights that allow persons, within a lawful realm, to define and express their identity,’ I would hide my head in a bag. The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie.
Almond fortune cookies and a bit of roadside palm reader-inspired incense.
Hellokoi –
Sweet, juicy orange with creamy, vanilla-y, warm, nutty almond marzipan. The drydown smells like a vanilla overloaded with sugar, like heavy, sweet vanilla frosting with a squish of orange juice and some nuttiness. After about an hour, it’s much the same, but I can smell a hint of smokiness from the Snake Oil.