Aristotle Beard Oil $23.00
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Aristotle Beard Oil

$23.00

ARISTOTLE of Stagira (384 BCE – 322 BCE)

His Poetica saved the cat 23 centuries before the first screenwriting how-to book.

The history of Western logic begins with his Organon.

Aristotle studied under Plato, who studied under Socrates, and this ancient Greek beardy trinity became known as the “fathers of Western philosophy.”

The founder of the Peripatetic school (named for his custom of walking as he lectured), Aristotle systematically examined human endeavor and the natural world. Though some of his ideas were just plain inaccurate, he not only invented an early version of the scientific method, he was first to categorize similar living things by group, and sorted his treatises by topic (ethics, semantics, economics, politics, religion, zoology, biology, physics) substantially as we study and practice the arts and sciences today.

Aristotle’s writing blew away contemporaries; yet of 200 works, all that remain are a few dozen crummy sets of lecture notes and compilations by students and students of students.

We may have lost his legendary eloquence, but even the literary shadows of his original compositions illuminate our thinking a couple of thousand years later.

If you are the type who likes to stroke your beard and think or to pace and stroke your beard and think, or to pace and stroke your chin and think – for do we have incontrovertible proof he had a beard? – Aristotle will give you something to think… about your beard.

Gentlemen, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11:

In some cases among men the upper lip and the chin is thickly covered with hair, and in other cases these parts are smooth and the cheeks are hairy; and, by the way, smooth-chinned men are less inclined than bearded men to baldness.

Ladies, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11, a few paragraphs earlier:

Women do not grow hairs on the chin; except that a scanty beard grows on some women after the monthly courses have stopped; and similar phenomenon is observed at times in priestesses in Caria, but these cases are looked upon as portentous with regard to coming events.

Thinking about starting an argument? If you’re not starting with Aristotle, maybe you’re not doing it right.

Oman frankincense, Greek sage, and white juniper.

SKU: UPGBeard Categories: , Tags: , , ,

Unemployed

The origins of The Unemployed Philosophers Guild are shrouded in mystery… or maybe those are wine stains.

Early in the 4th century BCE, Socrates drank from one of our vessels. Although the UPG almost never endorses drinking poisonous hemlock, we made it look good.

Millennia passed. The Roman Empire. Attila the Hun. The Plague. Gingivitis. A couple witch hunts were in there. Kon-Tiki.

Finally, in the 1990s, two brothers in New York City’s Lower East Side inherited the mantle of the UPG at a time when a mantle was a difficult thing to pawn.

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild was reborn when these champions turned their advanced degrees, creativity, and love of paying rent toward noble ends: meeting the needs of the people for finger puppets of the great philosophers, transforming coffee mugs, and cracking up at stuff.

Black Phoenix’s Beard Oil is paraben and sulfate free, and contains no petro-chemicals, no GMOs, and no triclosan!

BLACK PHOENIX ABHORS ANIMAL TESTING

All Black Phoenix Products are tested on Doc Constantine himself! (Plus friends and family.)

Please exercise common sense when using our beard oils: do not eat, do not snort, do not drink, do not pour into eyes, etc.

If irritation occurs, discontinue use immediately.

Jojoba oil, argan oil, rosehip seed oil, evening primrose oil, grapeseed oil, rosemary oleoresin extract, and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab fragrance.

Reviews

  1. Amelia Welch –

    ‘Reminds me of home from the backwoods of Kentucky and surprising (high) quality. Looking forward to using this company for a long time.’ – Input from Boyfriend, who I bought the product for. He’s never used any BPAL before now and I knew it would be something he would enjoy.

    Personally I loved the scent of this product (as I am not using it, I can’t speak to it’s treatment of beards). It’s a little wet and green right out of the bottle, strongly scented of the piney smell. It has a back note of smokiness that it settles into nicely over time, but it’s not over powering like a bonfire or strong tobacco smoke. Like a distant fireplace lit somewhere off a ways in the woods. Perfect for getting up close and personal.

Add a review

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