Our gently-scented oils are a magnificent grooming tool that will moisturize both your beard and your skin. Black Phoenix beard oils add a healthy, gleaming shine while taming and softening your whiskers!
The ridiculous marketing for our beard oils is a parody of Victorian quack medicine and snake oil peddlers. Our beard oils will NOT cure anything – neither giddiness, nor dolorous spiritual complaints – and our ridiculous copywriting is, as they say, jokeses. HOWEVER, they will likely banish miasma.
Black Phoenix’s Beard Oil is paraben and sulfate free, and contains no petro-chemicals, no GMOs, and no triclosan!
BLACK PHOENIX ABHORS ANIMAL TESTING
All Black Phoenix Products are tested on Doc Constantine himself! (Plus friends and family.)
Please exercise common sense when using our beard oils: do not eat, do not snort, do not drink, do not pour into eyes, etc.
If irritation occurs, discontinue use immediately.
Presented in a one ounce amber bottle with dropper top.
Jojoba oil, argan oil, rosehip seed oil, evening primrose oil, grapeseed oil, rosemary oleoresin extract, and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab fragrance.
Ante Luciferum Genitus Beard OilOut of Stock
A radiant waft of incense: Oman frankincense, myrrh, ambrette seed, tobacco leaf, and red sandalwood.
Aristotle Beard OilOut of Stock
ARISTOTLE of Stagira (384 BCE – 322 BCE)
His Poetica saved the cat 23 centuries before the first screenwriting how-to book.
The history of Western logic begins with his Organon.
Aristotle studied under Plato, who studied under Socrates, and this ancient Greek beardy trinity became known as the “fathers of Western philosophy.”
The founder of the Peripatetic school (named for his custom of walking as he lectured), Aristotle systematically examined human endeavor and the natural world. Though some of his ideas were just plain inaccurate, he not only invented an early version of the scientific method, he was first to categorize similar living things by group, and sorted his treatises by topic (ethics, semantics, economics, politics, religion, zoology, biology, physics) substantially as we study and practice the arts and sciences today.
Aristotle’s writing blew away contemporaries; yet of 200 works, all that remain are a few dozen crummy sets of lecture notes and compilations by students and students of students.
We may have lost his legendary eloquence, but even the literary shadows of his original compositions illuminate our thinking a couple of thousand years later.
If you are the type who likes to stroke your beard and think or to pace and stroke your beard and think, or to pace and stroke your chin and think – for do we have incontrovertible proof he had a beard? – Aristotle will give you something to think… about your beard.
Gentlemen, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11:
In some cases among men the upper lip and the chin is thickly covered with hair, and in other cases these parts are smooth and the cheeks are hairy; and, by the way, smooth-chinned men are less inclined than bearded men to baldness.
Ladies, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11, a few paragraphs earlier:
Women do not grow hairs on the chin; except that a scanty beard grows on some women after the monthly courses have stopped; and similar phenomenon is observed at times in priestesses in Caria, but these cases are looked upon as portentous with regard to coming events.
Thinking about starting an argument? If you’re not starting with Aristotle, maybe you’re not doing it right.
Oman frankincense, Greek sage, and white juniper.
Blam Beard OilOut of Stock
Smells like falling face first into a Christmas tree farm at the onset of winter.
Bram Stoker Beard OilAdd to cart
No man knows till he has suffered from the night how sweet and dear to his heart and eye the morning can be.
Bourbon vetiver with opoponax, Italian bergamot, and hay absolute.
Illustrated by Abigail Larson.
Purchase the tee here!
Byronic Antihero Beard OilAdd to cart
He stood – some dread was on his face,
Soon Hatred settled in its place:
It rose not with the reddening flush
Of transient Anger’s hasty blush,
But pale as marble o’er the tomb,
Whose ghastly whiteness aids its gloom.
His brow was bent, his eye was glazed;
He raised his arm, and fiercely raised,
And sternly shook his hand on high,
As doubting to return or fly;
Impatient of his flight delay’d,
Here loud his raven charger neigh’d —
Down glanced that hand, and grasp’d his blade;
That sound had burst his waking dream,
As Slumber starts at owlet’s scream,
The spur hath lanced his courser’s sides;
Away, away, for life he rides:
Swift as the hurl’d on high jerreed
Springs to the touch his startled steed:
The rock is doubled, and the shore
Shakes with the clattering tramp no more:
The crag is won, no more is seen
His Christian crest and haughty mien.
‘T was but an instant he restrain’d
That fiery barb so sternly rein’d;
‘T was but a moment that he stood,
Then sped as if by death pursued;
But in that instant o’er his soul
Winters of Memory seem’d to roll,
And gather in that drop of time
A life of pain, an age of crime.
O’er him who loves, or hates, or fears,
Such moment pours the grief of years:
What felt he then, at once opprest
By all that most distracts the breast?
That pause, which ponder’d o’er his fate,
Oh, who its dreary length shall date !
Though in Time’s record nearly nought,
It was Eternity to Thought !
For infinite as boundless space
The thought that Conscience must embrace,
Which in itself can comprehend
Woe without name, or hope, or end.
– The Giaour, Lord Byron
An aristocratic cologne of titanic passions, moody and brooding. This scent is dark with disillusionment and cynicism: a Victorian fougère and a dashing carnation boutonniere tainted by a cloud of khus, yew, and patchouli.
Coal Beard OilOut of Stock
You’ve been bad. Really, really bad. Sooty black pepper, black patchouli, leather, and cacao.
Daddy by EFFY Beard OilAdd to cart
Not all daddies have beards, and not all beards belong to daddies! That’s why EFFY’s unisex fragrance DADDY by EFFY is now available as a perfume blend and a beard oil, to make sure your bases are covered. (Note: do not apply to your third base area! Face-beards only, por favor.)
The scent is the same! A roll in the hay with a sexy demon daddy: a diabolical incense with a splash of bay rum and a hiss of infernal fougere.
Label photo credit: Jordan Nachole Hall
The accompanying perfume oil can be found here.
Dee Beard OilOut of Stock
John Dee: master of science, alchemy and magic, Hermetic philosopher in the schools of Rosicrucian Christian Mysticism and Platonic-Pythagorean doctrine, and Queen Elizabeth’s astrologer, advisor, cryptologist and spy. With Edward Kelly, he created a field of study and work in Angelic Evocation, and isolated the Angelic language: Enochian. His scent is soft English leather, rosewood and tonka with a hint of incense, parchment and soft woods.
Dorian Beard OilOut of Stock
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.
Inspired by and created for my beloved Tedwin: my eternal, beautiful, wicked Dorian Gray. Refined, elegant, and lovely, with a noble bearing and seemingly gentle air. This blend is an artful deception: a sweet gilded blossom lying over a twisted and corrupted core. A Victorian fougere with three pale musks and dark, sugared vanilla tea.
Egg Nog Beard OilOut of Stock
Sweet brandy, dark rum, heavy cream, sugar, and a dash of nutmeg.
Frankincense & Terebinth Beard OilOut of Stock
A deep, shadowy heady green incense.
Gingerbread & Myrrh Beard OilOut of Stock
Incense wafting through a gingerbread maze.
Hellbeard Beard OilOut of Stock
Bourbon tobacco, gunpowder, and brimstone.
Hellboy in Theaters Now.
Motion Picture Artwork © 2019 Summit Entertainment, LLC. All Rights Reserved
Jolly Roger Beard OilAdd to cart
Sea spray with an undercurrent of leather, Bay Rum, and salty, dry woods.
Krampus Beard OilOut of Stock
Be good, or Krampus will toss you in a river! Sinister red musk, black leather, dusty rags, and wooden switches.
Socius Beard OilAdd to cart
A solid, steadfast blend of patchouli, smoked vanilla husk, ambergris accord, and tawny oudh.
Villain Beard OilOut of Stock
A classic Victorian cologne: lavender fougere, with hints of lilac, lime, and citrus musk.