Los Angeles, 2019: Nearly two decades of BPAL scent names are fed to a neural network so the AI can look beyond the curve, forecasting the future of fragrance. The resulting collection goes online, offering bold vistas of a world in which human decision is removed from the creative process. The Lab’s status as Pythia of dystopian glamour is affirmed in perpetuity. Sales skyrocket at a non-Euclidian rate.
Going forward, consider all outcomes inevitable, and perfume yourself accordingly! The following overlord-approved blends may not be the future we envisioned… but it’s undeniably the one we deserve.
Art by Drew Rausch.
A Dead Death Perfume OilOut of Stock
The deadest death, most deadest of deadlies: sweet blackened patchouli, blackcurrant, cypress wood, and vetiver.
Bayou Fluid Perfume OilOut of Stock
A boggy poot of hydrogen sulfide and carbon dioxide accord (but easy on the methane!) steaming up a marsh puddle of Spanish moss, creeping swamp jasmine, swamp creature hooch, osmanthus, tupelo, bald cypress, and mud.
Black Putrescence Perfume OilOut of Stock
A vivacious squirt of decay: viscous blackcurrant juice and pomegranate rind with sweet labdanum, rose attar, and a thin splat of motor oil.
Blood and the Lemon Perfume OilOut of Stock
I guess we talk about blood a lot in our copy? Coppery, bloody blood and a squirt of lemon.
Blood for Cat Perfume OilOut of Stock
Bad kitty: golden amber, black cherry, tonka bean, sweet red musk, dried mango pulp, rooibos tea, red currant, and bitter almond.
Blood Twinkle Perfume OilOut of Stock
Mildly maniacal: dragon’s blood resin sparkling with shiny pink grapefruit, purple lilac, honeysuckle, white musk, and bergamot.
Cat Event Exorcist Perfume OilOut of Stock
Get thee behind me, kitty! Sleek, buttery brown musk, clove husk, frankincense, holy water, olive wood crucifixes, and hairball accord.
(Just kidding: no hairballs.)
Demon Goggles Perfume OilOut of Stock
Infernal pacts always seem like a better idea after a few drinks: bourbon, sweet tobacco, brimstone, weed accord, and khus.
Dreadful Snowglobe Perfume OilOut of Stock
A glopping blurp of viscera sloshing in a crystal sphere: creamy intraocular fluid, intestine-pink bois de rose and grapefruit, and coppery-clove blood musk encased in glassy transparent musk.
Foolish Wooden Cucumber Perfume OilOut of Stock
We won’t ask what you use it for. Polished oak, vanilla husk, and cucumber juice.
Harlequin Milk Perfume OilOut of Stock
Ethically harvested: goat’s milk, white honey, honeycomb, orange peel, red currant, a burp of honey ale, and a jingle of silvery musk.
La Death Darkness Black Black Hats Perfume OilOut of Stock
The darkest and deathiest of black black hats: inky grey cashmere, tobacco-stained leather, and a feathery plume of bay leaf, opoponax, and sandalwood.
Masquerade Banana Perfume OilOut of Stock
Banana, but glamorous and mysterious, I guess? – banana with wild fig, sweet vetiver, myrrh, cassis, and a swoosh of incense.
Melancholy Inferno Perfume OilOut of Stock
An emo conflagration: tomato leaf, black pepper, coriander, burnt cedar, and crimson musk.
Mother’s Hot Ghosts Perfume OilOut of Stock
GILF: billowing white agarwood, petitgrain, fossilized amber, and white musk.
Rapture Pig Perfume OilOut of Stock
The end is nigh: sweet pink musk, spun sugar, red currant, candied rose petals, and rose jelly.
Scent Boom Perfume OilOut of Stock
A clamorous cacophony of obstreperous, rowdy smells: blood orange, lemon peel, sugar syrup, tangerine, pink peppercorn, tuberose, mango, melon, white tea, and gunpowder detonated by napalm accord and a bombastic, fiery scarlet musk.
Sip of Glass Perfume OilOut of Stock
Cheers! Shards of white musk and brittle white olibanum glinting with muguet, Riesling grapes, ambergris accord, and elemi.
Squirting Shoggoth Perfume OilOut of Stock
Camming live from a basement somewhere in Arkham: pear juice, bloops of yuzu fruit, silty oakmoss, and glowing green musk.
Street Mattress Atmosphere SprayOut of Stock
“Who is she? Who was she? Who does she hope to be?”
– Mart Crowley, The Boys in the Band (1968)
Spritz to imbue any resting place with the raffish charm and earthy mystique of a lost Twin, curbed Queen, or dethroned California King.
Dandelion sap, baby powder, ribgrass, spurge, and nutgrass squished into a poly cotton blend, poked by a rusty bonnell coil.
Zombi Sassafras Perfume OilOut of Stock
The sassiest shambling corpse in town. Grave dirt, sassafras root, sarsaparilla, clove, effervescent white ginger, and oakmoss. Smells a bit like undead rootbeer.