Body & Beauty

Body & Beauty

Body & Beauty - Beard Oil

Our gently-scented oils are a magnificent grooming tool that will moisturize both your beard and your skin. Black Phoenix beard oils add a healthy, gleaming shine while taming and softening your whiskers!

The ridiculous marketing for our beard oils is a parody of Victorian quack medicine and snake oil peddlers. Our beard oils will NOT cure anything – neither giddiness, nor dolorous spiritual complaints – and our ridiculous copywriting is, as they say, jokeses. HOWEVER, they will likely banish miasma.

Black Phoenix’s Beard Oil is paraben and sulfate free, and contains no petro-chemicals, no GMOs, and no triclosan!

BLACK PHOENIX ABHORS ANIMAL TESTING

All Black Phoenix Products are tested on Doc Constantine himself! (Plus friends and family.)

Please exercise common sense when using our beard oils: do not eat, do not snort, do not drink, do not pour into eyes, etc.

If irritation occurs, discontinue use immediately.

Presented in a one ounce amber bottle with dropper top.

Jojoba oil, argan oil, rosehip seed oil, evening primrose oil, grapeseed oil, rosemary oleoresin extract, and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab fragrance.

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    Ante Luciferum Genitus Beard Oil

    A radiant waft of incense: Oman frankincense, myrrh, ambrette seed, tobacco leaf, and red sandalwood.

    Out of Stock
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    Aristotle Beard Oil

    ARISTOTLE of Stagira (384 BCE – 322 BCE)

    His Poetica saved the cat 23 centuries before the first screenwriting how-to book.

    The history of Western logic begins with his Organon.

    Aristotle studied under Plato, who studied under Socrates, and this ancient Greek beardy trinity became known as the “fathers of Western philosophy.”

    The founder of the Peripatetic school (named for his custom of walking as he lectured), Aristotle systematically examined human endeavor and the natural world. Though some of his ideas were just plain inaccurate, he not only invented an early version of the scientific method, he was first to categorize similar living things by group, and sorted his treatises by topic (ethics, semantics, economics, politics, religion, zoology, biology, physics) substantially as we study and practice the arts and sciences today.

    Aristotle’s writing blew away contemporaries; yet of 200 works, all that remain are a few dozen crummy sets of lecture notes and compilations by students and students of students.

    We may have lost his legendary eloquence, but even the literary shadows of his original compositions illuminate our thinking a couple of thousand years later.

    If you are the type who likes to stroke your beard and think or to pace and stroke your beard and think, or to pace and stroke your chin and think – for do we have incontrovertible proof he had a beard? – Aristotle will give you something to think… about your beard.

    Gentlemen, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11:

    In some cases among men the upper lip and the chin is thickly covered with hair, and in other cases these parts are smooth and the cheeks are hairy; and, by the way, smooth-chinned men are less inclined than bearded men to baldness.

    Ladies, see Historia Animalium, Book III, Ch. 11, a few paragraphs earlier:

    Women do not grow hairs on the chin; except that a scanty beard grows on some women after the monthly courses have stopped; and similar phenomenon is observed at times in priestesses in Caria, but these cases are looked upon as portentous with regard to coming events.

    Thinking about starting an argument? If you’re not starting with Aristotle, maybe you’re not doing it right.

    Oman frankincense, Greek sage, and white juniper.

    Out of Stock
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    Blam Beard Oil

    Smells like falling face first into a Christmas tree farm at the onset of winter.

    Out of Stock
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    Bram Stoker Beard Oil

    No man knows till he has suffered from the night how sweet and dear to his heart and eye the morning can be.

    Bourbon vetiver with opoponax, Italian bergamot, and hay absolute.

    Illustrated by Abigail Larson.

    Purchase the tee here!

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    Byronic Antihero Beard Oil

    He stood – some dread was on his face,
    Soon Hatred settled in its place:
    It rose not with the reddening flush
    Of transient Anger’s hasty blush,
    But pale as marble o’er the tomb,
    Whose ghastly whiteness aids its gloom.
    His brow was bent, his eye was glazed;
    He raised his arm, and fiercely raised,
    And sternly shook his hand on high,
    As doubting to return or fly;
    Impatient of his flight delay’d,
    Here loud his raven charger neigh’d —
    Down glanced that hand, and grasp’d his blade;
    That sound had burst his waking dream,
    As Slumber starts at owlet’s scream,
    The spur hath lanced his courser’s sides;
    Away, away, for life he rides:
    Swift as the hurl’d on high jerreed
    Springs to the touch his startled steed:
    The rock is doubled, and the shore
    Shakes with the clattering tramp no more:
    The crag is won, no more is seen
    His Christian crest and haughty mien.
    ‘T was but an instant he restrain’d
    That fiery barb so sternly rein’d;
    ‘T was but a moment that he stood,
    Then sped as if by death pursued;
    But in that instant o’er his soul
    Winters of Memory seem’d to roll,
    And gather in that drop of time
    A life of pain, an age of crime.
    O’er him who loves, or hates, or fears,
    Such moment pours the grief of years:
    What felt he then, at once opprest
    By all that most distracts the breast?
    That pause, which ponder’d o’er his fate,
    Oh, who its dreary length shall date !
    Though in Time’s record nearly nought,
    It was Eternity to Thought !
    For infinite as boundless space
    The thought that Conscience must embrace,
    Which in itself can comprehend
    Woe without name, or hope, or end.
    – The Giaour, Lord Byron

    An aristocratic cologne of titanic passions, moody and brooding. This scent is dark with disillusionment and cynicism: a Victorian fougère and a dashing carnation boutonniere tainted by a cloud of khus, yew, and patchouli.

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    Coal Beard Oil

    You’ve been bad. Really, really bad. Sooty black pepper, black patchouli, leather, and cacao.

    Out of Stock
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    Daddy by EFFY Beard Oil

    Not all daddies have beards, and not all beards belong to daddies! That’s why EFFY’s unisex fragrance DADDY by EFFY is now available as a perfume blend and a beard oil, to make sure your bases are covered. (Note: do not apply to your third base area! Face-beards only, por favor.)

    The scent is the same! A roll in the hay with a sexy demon daddy: a diabolical incense with a splash of bay rum and a hiss of infernal fougere.

    Label photo credit: Jordan Nachole Hall

    The accompanying perfume oil can be found here.

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    Dee Beard Oil

    John Dee: master of science, alchemy and magic, Hermetic philosopher in the schools of Rosicrucian Christian Mysticism and Platonic-Pythagorean doctrine, and Queen Elizabeth’s astrologer, advisor, cryptologist and spy. With Edward Kelly, he created a field of study and work in Angelic Evocation, and isolated the Angelic language: Enochian. His scent is soft English leather, rosewood and tonka with a hint of incense, parchment and soft woods.

    Out of Stock
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    Dorian Beard Oil

    The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.

    Inspired by and created for my beloved Tedwin: my eternal, beautiful, wicked Dorian Gray. Refined, elegant, and lovely, with a noble bearing and seemingly gentle air. This blend is an artful deception: a sweet gilded blossom lying over a twisted and corrupted core. A Victorian fougere with three pale musks and dark, sugared vanilla tea.

    Out of Stock
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    Egg Nog Beard Oil

    Sweet brandy, dark rum, heavy cream, sugar, and a dash of nutmeg.

    Out of Stock
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    Frankincense & Terebinth Beard Oil

    A deep, shadowy heady green incense.

    Out of Stock
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    Gingerbread & Myrrh Beard Oil

    Incense wafting through a gingerbread maze.

    Out of Stock
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    Hellbeard Beard Oil

    Bourbon tobacco, gunpowder, and brimstone.

    Hellboy in Theaters Now.

    Motion Picture Artwork © 2019 Summit Entertainment, LLC. All Rights Reserved

    Out of Stock
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    Jolly Roger Beard Oil

    Sea spray with an undercurrent of leather, Bay Rum, and salty, dry woods.

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    Krampus Beard Oil

    Be good, or Krampus will toss you in a river! Sinister red musk, black leather, dusty rags, and wooden switches.

    Out of Stock
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    Socius Beard Oil

    A solid, steadfast blend of patchouli, smoked vanilla husk, ambergris accord, and tawny oudh.

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    Villain Beard Oil

    A classic Victorian cologne: lavender fougere, with hints of lilac, lime, and citrus musk.

    Out of Stock

Body & Beauty - Hair Gloss

Black Phoenix’s Hair Gloss is paraben and sulfate free, and contains no petro-chemicals, no GMOs, and no triclosan.

Our hair gloss has a six-month shelf life.

Handmade by Black Phoenix. As always, no animals were harmed during the creation of this product, and all products were tested on friends and family.

Please exercise common sense when using our HAIR GLOSS: do not eat, do not snort, do not drink, do not pour into eyes, etc. If irritation occurs, discontinue use immediately.

Cyclomethicone, botanisil, Vitamin E, argan oil, Tahitian monoi oil, camelina oil, and karanja oil.

Body & Beauty - Massage Oil

All of our bath and body products are handmade, and contain the gentlest, most nourishing ingredients imaginable. Black Phoenix’s body line is environmentally-responsible, devoid of harsh chemicals and fillers.

As always, no animals were harmed during the creation of this soap, and all products were tested on friends and family.

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    Aeris Massage Oil

    In alchemy, the archetype of air represents the movement of spirit and thought. Aeris uses a combination of lemon, verbena, orange blossom, cypress, sweetgrass, white grapefruit, and lavender to help stimulate mental acuity and inspire creativity.

    4oz Bottle

    Out of Stock
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    Aquae Massage Oil

    In alchemy, the archetype of water represents cleansing and purification, emotion and intuition. We express that essence here through our blend of Roman chamomile, frankincense, sandalwood, helichrysum, davana, geranium, and lavender. This massage oil helps release emotional trauma, alleviates stress, and imparts a sense of tranquility and well-being.

    4oz bottle.

    Out of Stock
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    Ignis Massage Oil

    In alchemy, the archetype of fire represents activity and transformation. Our blend of ylang ylang, patchouli, sandalwood, myrrh, palmarosa, and King mandarin personifies this classical element, and expresses itself through the stimulation of your sexual energy. This massage oil inspires passion, relaxes inhibitions, and instills you with a sense of power and magnetism.

    4oz bottle.

    Out of Stock
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    Terrae Massage Oil

    In alchemy, the archetype of earth represents practicality, the manifestation of thought and will, and material creation. Our blend of patchouli, myrrh, spikenard, oakmoss, and clary sage grants a sense of stability, and will help keep you grounded.

    4oz bottle.

    Out of Stock
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    TKO Massage Oil

    Soothing lavender in a blend of skin-softening almond oil, rice bran, and vitamin E.

    Many things — such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly — are done worst when we try hardest to do them.

    4oz bottle.

    Out of Stock
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    Ugh Massage Oil

    Muscle ache relief. The combination of arnica, rosehip, evening primrose, almond oil, and apricot kernel oil is high in vitamin C and gamma-linolenic acid, and coupled with analgesic eucalyptus, invigorating orange, and refreshing rosemary, this blend is said to help heal bruises, reduce swelling, and soothe strained muscles and aching tendons.

    4oz bottle.

    Out of Stock

Body & Beauty - Nail Polish