LIMITED EDITION BLENDS
No imp’s ears are available for Limited Edition scents.
Presented in an amber apothecary glass vial.
Note: only 5ml bottles are offered in our limited edition scents. Please check the BPAL forum for stock updates. No samples can be requested for any limited edition scents, as they are not taken into consideration or assimilated into stock when the limited edition oils are made. Simply put: there are none to give. If you request a sample of a limited edition scent, we will swap for a random “permanent” scent.
Alternative FactsAdd to cart
The truth hurts — so why tell it? Muffle the blow with Alternative Facts.
FACT: Following White House advisor Kellyanne Conway’s January 22 appearance on “Meet The Press,” sales of George Orwell’s 1984 skyrocketed, making it the fifth-best selling book on Amazon.com.
ALTERNATIVE FACT: In under a week, President Trump’s administration has already managed to improve literacy, reflecting the public’s renewed interest in privatized education, as well as its rejection of the mainstream media in favor of more “traditional” forms of information-gathering.
See how easy that is? With the help of Alternative Facts, even the most unpalatable among us can preside over a gallery of glittering, candy-coated delusions — one in which reality itself conforms to our beliefs, sincerely-held or otherwise.
ALTERNATIVE FACTS: If you truly want to obfuscate what you really smell like, this is the scent for you! Sugar-crusted vanilla, a firecracker-blast of cherry and sour lemon, a hint of scuttling spiders, encroaching fog, and trumpets of bombast, bluff, and bluster.
Like its companion scent Fake News, proceeds from Alternative Facts will benefit the ACLU.
Fake NewsAdd to cart
2016 turned out to be the year of the NASTY WOMAN — and thanks to your purchases, BPAL was able to donate thousands of dollars to Planned Parenthood and Emily’s List!
Unfortunately, 2017 is already shaping up to be the year of FAKE NEWS. In anticipation of the upcoming inaugural proceedings — and the months, nay years of high-volume dishonesty that are to follow — we offer the following blend to help penetrate the dense fog of of misinformation that’s already begun settling around Truth, Justice, and other historically celebrated American ideals.
Wear it in vigilance as you sift through the memes, trolls, clickbait, hate-speech, and outright propaganda that continually threaten to overwhelm all the world’s kindness, wisdom, and informed expertise. Wear it in courage as you refute ignorance and insincerity at every turn — even from our nation’s highest-ranking figures — with indisputable facts from well-researched sources.
And try not to lose your sense of humor as you fight back, or your own essential humanity. As Anne Lamott once wrote: “You don’t always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it too.”
FAKE NEWS: A scent of misdirection, of 140 frantic characters typed out in spite at 3am, and paranoia-clouded churlish accusations hurled at perceived enemies: crushed pink pepper pod, bitter white tobacco, gnarled patchouli, all covered in glinting, garish slashes of gold.
Proceeds from FAKE NEWS will go to the American Civil Liberties Union, non-partisan defender of the rights and liberties guaranteed by the Constitution and laws of the United States.
When purchasing, be sure to include your twitter handle in the Notes section of our order form — for every bottle you buy, we will tweet one fake news headline about you from our Twitter account (@BPAL).
Nasty WomanAdd to cart
As you have no doubt heard, during the third presidential debate, Hillary described her plan to raise taxes on the rich in order to fund Social Security. She took a swing at him over him being a tax dodger (which he is).
“My Social Security payroll contribution will go up, as will Donald’s – if he can’t figure out how to get out of it.”
Trump interrupted her and said, “Such a nasty woman.”
These are two things uttered by the same man within the same hour:
“Such a nasty woman.”
“No one has more respect for women than me.”
Let’s put this pussy-grabbing, racist, predatory, misogynistic, hateful, irresponsible, ignorant, immature grotesquerie out of politics for good, and do what we can to ensure that he and his ilk never cast their miserable shadows over our political process again.
Nasty Woman: black fig and patchouli, filthy bourbon vanilla, honeyed amber oud, and loukhoum.
Proceeds will be split between Planned Parenthood and EMILY’s list.
Photo: Women marching in national suffrage demonstration in Washington, D.C., May 9, 1914.
Nevertheless, She PersistedAdd to cart
She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.
A rallying call: golden oudh, frankincense, iris, and steel. Proceeds from this scent benefit EMILY’s List, an organization that supports electing pro-choice Democratic women to office.
Jeanne d’Arc, Albert Lynch
Seven Word Story: GluttonyAdd to cart
The subject of our latest #BPAL7wordstory contest was Gluttony. The winning entry was submitted by Crystal Rose-Thompson:
The Sirens Eagerly Beckoned the Approaching Ship
Sea splash on murky labdanum and gleaming olibanum, veiled in lavender, diaphanous osmanthus, gilded saffron, and honey incense.
Seven Word Story: LustAdd to cart
Quoth one of the wordiest humans who ever lived: “Brevity is the soul of wit.”
This spring we challenged friends and fans to answer that call, baring their souls (and more) in our steamy, Lust-themed #BPAL7wordstory contest.
“Seduce us in seven!” we demanded, promising the winning story would be enshrined in a Limited Edition fragrance. The response was overwhelming — and downright filthy. Over eight hundred entries later, Lust found its new champion. The winning story, submitted via Twitter by @GeekDame, took flight in our perfumer’s imagination and resulted in the following myth-tinged tryst.
Congrats to the winner, and keep your quills sharp! #BPAL7wordstory is only getting started.
He breathed smoke across her pomegranate-stained lips.
Chthonic incense and blood-red pomegranate.
Seven Word Story: SlothAdd to cart
As Baudelaire once wrote, “We revel in the laxness of the path we take.” As such, we weren’t convinced anyone would bother entering the Sloth edition of our #BPAL7wordstory contest.
Somehow, hundreds of you summoned the strength to string seven words together — plus the dozens who cheekily declined to muster more than six. The winning entry by Amy DeNies epitomizes that (lack of) effort with aplomb.
Congrats to our winner, and keep those heavy eyelids propped open — #BPAL7wordstory could strike again at any time.
can’t commit to finishing a whole banana
The effort is too much: banana weighed down by blackened cacao, bourbon vetiver, and tobacco absolute.
Seven Word Story: WrathAdd to cart
The subject of our latest #BPAL7wordstory contest was WRATH. The winning entry was submitted by Miss Paulette:
The poison worked slowly, to her delight.
Bitter almond swirled into black patchouli, with red amber, rum absolute, and lemon peel.
Sri Lankan LimeAdd to cart
Theoi NomioiAdd to cart
In response to the National Park Service retweeting a New York Times piece on Trump’s Inauguration numbers, Trump’s fragile ego demanded that his administration order the NPS to stop all tweets.
The National Park Service refuses to be muzzled. On January 24th, South Dakota’s Badlands National Park social media team defiantly posted a series of climate change facts from the National Wildlife Federation before being shut down. Since then, anonymous employees from the National Park Service started a rogue twitter account:
These courageous federal employees are risking their careers to ensure that the public is kept informed on issues of climate change. They are fighting for transparency, truth, and science, and they deserve every ounce of support we can offer them. Tweet, email, FB, and phone in your support. Visit your local National Parks and thank the employees there in person. Donate to the National Parks Conservation Association and the National Park Foundation.
For them, for us, for the sake of the First Amendment, the environment, our state parks, and our future, we honor the bravery and chutzpah of these NPS employees with a scent that benefits the National Parks Conservation Association and the National Park Foundation.
The Theoi Nomioi are the gods and spirits of the wild: the countryside, the pastures, the forests. Under their auspices, untamed nature thrives, the beasts of the wild feast and multiply, the mountains reach to the heavens with their stony, snow-capped fingers, and the forests grow thick and dark with mystery.
The National Parks Conservation Association
“Since 1919, the National Parks Conservation Association has been the leading voice of the American people in the fight to safeguard the scenic beauty, wildlife, and historic and cultural treasures of the largest and most diverse park system in the world. Help us assure the future of our beloved national parks.”
The National Park Foundation
“The National Park Foundation protects America’s special places, connects people to nature and inspires the next generation of park stewards.”
Limited Edition - Idus Martiae
If you haven’t paid a visit to your local haruspex lately, now’s the time.
We present a brief examination of the assassination of Julis Ceasar as seen through the eyes of Plutarch, Cassius Dio, Suetonius, and Nicolaus of Damascus. This collection will come down May 12th, 2017
Accursed CascaAdd to cart
It was Casca who gave him the first blow with his dagger, in the neck, not a mortal wound, nor even a deep one, for which he was too much confused, as was natural at the beginning of a deed of great daring; so that Caesar turned about, grasped the knife, and held it fast. At almost the same instant both cried out, the smitten man in Latin: “Accursed Casca, what does thou?”
The shattered, splintering gasp of betrayal: ambergris, verbena, neroli, and a glint of razor-sharp elemi.
Blood-Bespattered Locks of GrayAdd to cart
Woe for the blood-bespattered locks of gray, alas for the rent robe, which you assumed, it seems, only that you might be slain in it!
– Cassius Dio
Ambergris and bay leaf, lemon peel and regal mandarin, white cedar and khus, grey oudh and star anise.
Ill OmenAdd to cart
Shortly before his death, as he was told, the herds of horses which he had dedicated to the river Rubico when he crossed it, and had let loose without a keeper, stubbornly refused to graze and wept copiously. Again, when he was offering sacrifice, the soothsayer Spurinna warned him to beware of danger, which would come not later than the ides of March. On the day before the ides of that month a little bird called the king-bird flew into the Hall of Pompey with a sprig of laurel, pursued by others of various kinds from the grove hard by, which tore it to pieces in the hall. In fact the very night before his murder he dreamt now that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter; and his wife Calpurnia thought that the pediment of their house fell, and that her husband was stabbed in her arms; and on a sudden the door of the room flew open of its own accord.
Dark portents writhing in a cloud of incense and a tangle of entrails: blood, red musk, black frankincense, and wet ropes of gleaming labdanum.
The Bones of CapysAdd to cart
Now Caesar’s approaching murder was foretold to him by unmistakable signs. A few months before, when the settlers assigned to the colony at Capua by the Julian Law were demolishing some tombs of great antiquity, to build country houses, and plied their work with the greater vigor because as they rummaged about they found a quantity of vases of ancient workmanship, there was discovered in a tomb, which was said to be that of Capys, the founder of Capua, a bronze tablet, inscribed with Greek words and characters to this effect:
Whenever the bones of Capys shall be discovered, it will come to pass that a descendant of his shall be slain at the hands of his kindred, and presently avenged at heavy cost to Italy.
King mandarin, bronze tobacco, white sandalwood, and chamomile.
The Setting SunAdd to cart
The augurs brought forward the victims for him to make his final sacrifice before his entry into the Senate Room. It was manifest that the omens were unfavourable. The augurs substituted one animal after another in the attempt to secure a more auspicious forecast. Finally they said that the indications from the gods where unfavourable and that there was plainly some sort of curse hiding in the victims. In disgust, Caesar turned away toward the setting sun, and the augurs interpreted this action still more unfavourably. The assassins were on hand and were pleased at all this.
– Nicolaus of Damascus
Darkness falling, shadows cast by prophesies unheeded: black oudh and amber.
Three and TwentyAdd to cart
Caesar caught Casca’s arm and ran it through with his stylus, but as he tried to leap to his feet, he was stopped by another wound. When he saw that he was beset on every side by drawn daggers, he muffled his head in his robe, and at the same time drew down its lap to his feet with his left hand, in order to fall more decently, with the lower part of his body also covered. And in this wise he was stabbed with three and twenty wounds, uttering not a word, but merely a groan at the first stroke, though some have written that when Marcus Brutus rushed at him, he said in Greek, “You too, my child?”
All the conspirators made off, and he lay there lifeless for some time, until finally three common slaves put him on a litter and carried him home, with one arm hanging down.
Faithlessness and treachery; resignation in the face of the betrayals of those we hold most dear: smoky vetiver, myrrh, and labdanum with bleak agarwood and tobacco.
Limited Edition - Prank 2017
From the company that brought you the scents of Dogs Playing Poker comes this April’s offerings: PRANK, a series all about gags.
(Not those gags, ya pervert.)
This is a scent series honoring the ludicrous joy of classic practical joke devices. We love snakes in our peanut brittle, sproingy eyeball glasses, and rubber poop, and our passion for the absurd has always acted as a counterbalance to the darkness and complexity that we explore in other aspects of our work. So, wind up those chattering teeth and have a look.
Art by Drew Rausch, smells by BPAL
Live until June 13.
Chattering TeethAdd to cart
Electric cherry and iced vanilla.
Joy BuzzerAdd to cart
Silvered honey zapped with fizzy champagne grape.
Lab RatAdd to cart
Those who enter the Lab in North Hollywood, or approach our booth at conventions, often ask: “Mmmm, what’s that I’m smelling?”
Naturally, the answer is: EVERYTHING. The aggregate of literally hundreds of perfumes hangs in the air around us while we work, staining our clothes and lingering on our skin after we go home. Just another day in the life of a smelly Lab Rat!
Despite many requests, this weirdly specific scent has never been available for purchase… until now! In the spirit of mad science, we assigned one of our laboratory helpers the ignoble task of gathering samples of literally every scent currently in BPAL’s general catalog, and combining them in one immense jug.***
The Lab Rat in question took copious notes during the blending process, documenting the scent’s evolution as he worked through shelves packed with alphabetized bottles. (The cumulative effect of this olfactory journey must have taken a psychological toll — he hasn’t returned to the Lab since.)
For those with an academic interest, we have included our Lab Rat’s notes below — the portions that were legible, anyway.
Just got through the A’s, and so far we have a spicy, lively, almost disturbingly energetic scent, hovering over a sort of dark, fruity abyss. It’s almost too bad we have to keep going, it would be great to just stop here.
Already so different — now we have a lovely astringent, almost coniferous smell rising on a cloud of… *sniff sniff* black tea?
This has suddenly become a sort of musky, foodie smell, gleaming with… honeysuckle? Or is it just honey mixing with other flowers? Starting to feel a little dizzy TBH.
Molasses, leather, mint… like nothing I’ve smelled in the GC so far. Only at the D’s so far and my hands are already getting tired, my head feels clobbered, and the jug is still mostly empty. What time is it? Is that music coming from a radio somewhere?
Mossy night-flowers, glimmer of spice, something alive and restless. Working through my lunch break just to get this over with.
Fruity jungle blooms, crop circles, disco balls. The nose equivalent of trying to read the subject lines in my junk mail folder.
Juniper, freesia, alpine air, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, the hills are alive, THEY’RE ALIVE
?????//???? honey apple gardenia please kill me
[REDACTED on the advice of our legal counsel]
Eau de Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. The cumulative weight of hundreds of scents — a cacophony of mythology, fiction, folk magic, and other arcane influences, all clamoring for your attention at once.
***A note to those with allergies and skin sensitivities: by definition, LAB RAT contains any and every possible component
Rubber PoopAdd to cart
Chocolate and caramel with flecks of cacao bean and toasted tonka.
Snake CanAdd to cart
Fancy salted Snake Oil with a hint of mixed nuts.
Squirting BoutonniereAdd to cart
Hot pink rose wet with cucumber and water lily.
Whoopie CushionAdd to cart
Raspberry pulp with orange blossom, patchouli, and a pfffffft of red musk
Limited Edition - Aros Morbus: Mors Nigra
O happy posterity, who will not experience such abysmal woe and will look upon our testimony as a fable.
On the 20th of Mach, 1345, it is believed that a triple conjunction of Saturn, Jupiter and Mars in Aquarius harbingered one of the most catastrophic pandemics in all of human history, resulting in the deaths of between 75 and 200 million people in Eurasia, and initiating a death culture that would last well into our time.
Austin Coppock – one of the most talented, eloquent astrologers of our age – shares his insight:
It is a contemporary conceit to believe that plague is no longer with us. The post WWII years saw the humans triumph over a host of age-old afflictions. Polio, whooping cough tuberculosis and more fell one-by-one to the scalpel of modern science. Yet these gains, taken for granted, grow smaller every year. Long slumbering diseases have been roused, and those which were scheduled for elimination have shown dogged resistance to humanity’s best efforts. Plague is thus not a thing of the past, but an everpresent horseman, keeping pace with human progress. Though we may have pulled into a small lead, we have by no means outrun this dark rider.
Those who came before us knew well that this rider was forever at their back, and thus lived in anticipation of his terrible arrival. It should thus be in no way shocking to find that astrologers throughout history have done their very best to predict the times at which the waves of pestilence would crash against our shore. In a report commissioned by King Phillip VI from the University of Paris’ Medical Faculty in 1348, the fault of the great plague was thought to lie in a rare conjunction of Saturn, Jupiter and Mars in Aquarius which had occurred some years earlier, in 1345. The report pointed to the malefic nature of the Great Conjunction which had occurred those few years earlier, and how it augured a disease both swift and terrible. But Medical Faculty of the University of Paris had the benefit of hindsight, and their retrospective spared no one.
Several hundred years later, in 17th century England, lived an astrologer somewhat more prescient. William Lilly, the “English Merlin” wrote in his 1665 Almanac “Here is approaching great fatality unto mankind…there may be feared some dangerous mortality, or plague to be at hand, inflicting destruction.” Furthermore, he wrote of “a sickly summer…during June, July or August..” Accompanied by the macabre illustration seen below, Mr. Lilly’s prediction was more than satisfied, for a plague swept the city of London at the appointed time, claiming one in six of its inhabitants.
Though rarely regarded with much reverence, the configuration of the heavens still proclaims the coming of afflictions terrible and cruel. When in August of 2014, Mars the Lesser Malefic and Saturn the Greater Malefic made their conjunction in the tropical sign of the Scorpio, a plague of sanguine horror spread about the lands of western Africa— Ebola.
Yet the planets did not speak of these terrible genesis, but instead their climax. Perhaps it is not the dire conjunctions which bring about such sicknesses, but instead merely direct our awareness to them. The sinister red light of Mars and the dull grave dirt glow of Saturn may indeed only seem evil to us in that they serve to illuminate the work of the horseman forever at our side.
One must wonder, then, what the heavens of this year are trying to communicate, for Mars and Saturn spend an unusual amount of together in 2016. They flirt for all of April, and then separate, only to be joined bodily over the Summer. They will do so against the red backdrop of Antares- the Heart of the Scorpio. Three eyed, like the oni of Japanese folkore, one can only wonder what this trio of eyes sees in our spring and summer months.
The Plagues will be expanded with a study of the art and cultural impact of the Black Death this spring.
Conjunction of Mars and SaturnAdd to cart
Daemonorops, star thistle, wild tobacco, and asafoetida intensified by hemlock accord, black musk seed, mortuary cypress, and black gum leaf.
[Label illustration: Adolf Vogel]
In Time of PlagueAdd to cart
Adieu, farewell earth’s bliss!
This world uncertain is:
Fond are life’s lustful joys,
Death proves them all but toys.
None from his darts can fly;
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
Rich men, trust not in wealth,
Gold cannot buy you health;
Physic himself must fade;
All things to end are made;
The plague full swift goes by;
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
Beauty is but a flower
Which wrinkles will devour;
Brightness falls from the air;
Queens have died young and fair;
Dust hath closed Helen’s eye;
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
Strength stoops unto the grave,
Worms feed on Hector brave;
Swords may not fight with fate;
Earth still holds ope her gate;
Come, come! the bells do cry;
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
Wit with his wantonness
Tasteth death’s bitterness;
Hath no ears for to hear
What vain art can reply:
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
Haste therefore each degree
To welcome destiny;
Heaven is our heritage,
Earth but a player’s stage.
Mount we unto the sky;
I am sick, I must die—
Lord, have mercy on us!
– Thomas Nashe
Blackened roses against a backdrop of velvet opoponax, bitter clove, and tobacco abosolute.
Limited Edition - The Collected Poetic Works of Antonin Scalia
We’ve had myriad political figures throughout US history that have possessed acid tongues, but few in the modern era have provided such a constant stream of colorfully vitriolic superlatives as Antonin Scalia.
He is the federal court’s beat poet of indignation and right-wing rage.
For your pleasure, we present a line dedicated to SCOTUS’ reigning Sick Burn Champion, the cranky, flamboyant, inimitable Justice Antonin Gregory Scalia. Proceeds from every single bottle will be donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Trevor Project, and the National Center for Transgender Equality.
Ask the Nearest HippieAdd to cart
Obergefell vs Hodges
Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality [whatever that means] were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.
An olfactory guide, created to assist you in locating nearby hippies: patchouli, hemp, smoky vanilla bean, and cannabis accord.
(No, there is no actual weed in this perfume, silly.)
Jiggery PokeryAdd to cart
King vs Burwell
The Court’s next bit of interpretive jiggery-pokery involves other parts of the Act that purportedly presuppose the availability of tax credits on both federal and state Exchanges. Ante, at 13–14.
I dunno. “Jiggery Pokery” just felt like it needed a whimsical scent attached to it, so here’s some pink pepper cotton candy with a sliver of orange peel and a hint of vanilla cream.
Looming Spectre of Inutterable HorrorAdd to cart
Arizona vs United States
We are not talking here about a federal law prohibiting the States from regulating bubble-gum advertising, or even the construction of nuclear plants. We are talking about a federal law going to the core of state sovereignty: the power to exclude.
The Court opinion’s looming specter of inutterable horror—“[i]f §3 of the Arizona statute were valid, every State could give itself independent authority to prosecute federal registration violations”—seems to me not so horrible and even less looming.
If securing its territory in this fashion is not within the power of Arizona, we should cease referring to it as a sovereign State.
Wherein Scalia channels Lovecraft: raw frankincense and tobacco absolute with Russian leather, blackened champaca, bitter clove, red patchouli, bourbon vanilla and petitgrain.
Mummeries and Straining-to-be Memorable PassagesAdd to cart
Obergefell vs Hodges
Buried beneath the mummeries and straining-to-be-memorable passages of the opinion is a candid and startling assertion: No matter what it was the People ratified, the Fourteenth Amendment protects those rights that the Judiciary, in its ‘reasoned judgment,’ thinks the Fourteenth Amendment ought to protect.
Rosemary is for remembrance: rosemary water with lavender, blackberry, Italian bergamot, and white musk.
Pure ApplesauceAdd to cart
King vs Burwell
The Court claims that the Act must equate federal and state establishment of Exchanges when it defines a qualified individual as someone who (among other things) lives in the “State that established the Exchange,” 42 U. S. C. §18032(f )(1)(A). Otherwise, the Court says, there would be no qualified individuals on federal Exchanges, contradicting (for example) the provision requiring every Exchange to takethe “ ‘interests of qualified individuals’ ” into accountwhen selecting health plans. Ante, at 11 (quoting §18031(e)(1)(b)). Pure applesauce.
Our applesauce is decidedly impure: mashed apples with sugar and honey, slivered with tobacco tar and black tea.