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    0. The Fool Perfume Oil

    He had stepped over the precipice. There was no going back. In his imagination, he could already feel the prick of needle-sharp fangs in his neck, a sharp prelude to eternal life.

    The sound began. It was low and sad, like the rushing of an underground river. It took him several long seconds to recognize it as laughter.

    “This is not life,” said the voice.

    It said nothing more, and after a while the young man knew he was alone in the graveyard.

    Apple blossom, peppermint, allspice, and yellow sandalwood speckled with grave loam and clods of grave dirt.

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    Anesthesia Perfume Oil

    ‘Ratty!’ said the girl in something between a squeak and a horrified swallow. She had a large, water-stained red button pinned to her ragged clothes, the kind that comes attached to birthday cards. It said, in yellow letters, I AM 11.

    A scent that slips through the cracks: peppermint, lavender, bergamot, and mandrake.

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    Beware: Pickpockets! Perfume Oil

    Brian: “Lilith is always up for staging a hammy, fun photo. Here, I’ve found a Distracted American Child at Weihnachtsmarkt am Alexanderplatz and am very subtly and skillfully picking her pocket.”

    Lilith: “We saw a sign on the ground that said Pickpockets! – and me and Unkie decided to pose like what the picture looked like. He let me pickpocket him for real after we took the picture and he let me keep the money.”

    Neon pink grapefruit, lemon peel, petitgrain, and peppermint, all crunchy with sugar crystals.

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  • Cruising Through Bedlam Perfume Oil

    This is a peculiar opportunity oil that was specifically designed to help you take advantage of the tumultuous peculiarities of these increasingly strange times. It’s an oil of good fortune and bending probability to your will – of being able to navigate the chaos that surrounds you to your benefit. It helps you see hidden forks in the crossroads and determine which paths lead to the best outcomes. It is not an oil of calming chaos or finding peace; it is an oil that acknowledges the times in which we live, and was built to help us survive and prosper in it.

    An oil for tricksters, an oil for gamblers, an oil of survival. It is an oil for David, not Goliath;

    Cruising Through Bedlam contains mace, nutmeg, cloves, mastic, lemongrass, wild bergamot, dill, caraway, peppermint, star anise, and coffee bean.

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  • Don’t Lick It Perfume Oil

    Good lord, there’s a pandemic going on! Don’t go around licking things!

    An extra-sweet vanilla peppermint for an extra-sour year.

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  • Eleutheria Perfume Oil

    Because of the horrors of the past few years, many of us are reassessing our priorities and what we need out of our lives, while others have been confronted by painful and traumatic changes. This is a road opener for the times we live in; it is infused with the power to enable a slew of new opportunities in love, luck, money, and career, and is constructed to bring those opportunities to you in the gentlest way possible.

    Consider pairing this oil in ritual use with oils of wisdom and prudence to ensure that you are able to see the best possible outcome from the choices that the universe presents to you.

    This oil contains lemon peel, agrimony, dandelion root, hyssop, wild sage, poplar bud, bergamot, dill seed, peppermint, star anise, cinquefoil, calamus, nutmeg, lavender, cinnamon, bayberry, life everlasting, rose bud and rosehips, and abre camino leaf.

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  • Fuck it, Might As Well Lick It Perfume Oil

    Our annual peppermint candy Lick It blend, now with a dash of mid-pandemic ennui.

    (Please don’t actually lick it.)

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  • Ghosts at Aldershot Perfume Oil

    A curious story comes from Aldershot. For some time past the sentries on two outlying posts have been frightened to death by the appearance at night of two spectral-looking figures. These figures, glowing with phosphorous and otherwise alarming to the superstitious, are in the habit of suddenly manifesting themselves, making tremendous springs of ten twelve yards at a time, and upsetting the wretched sentry before he has been able to collect himself sufficiently to oppose earthly arms to his ghostly visitants. The latter had no bodily injury, contenting themselves with upsetting the poor man, after which they mysteriously disappear. So great has been the panic that it has been found necessary to post double sentries, and these have lately taken to loading with ball. It is supposed that the alarm has been caused by two practical jokers, provided with powerful springs to the heels of their boots.

    – Dundee Evening Telegraph, 12 April 1877

    Unusually bouncy spectres: lemon-peppermint boiled sweets with a gust of marshmallow.

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  • Gingerbread Zombie Perfume Oil

    Gingerbread, vanilla bean, peppermint, and milk chocolate chips.

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    Ginormous Yule-ified Yard Skeleton Perfume Oil

    Sandalwood bones festooned with a pumpkin garland and twinkling multicolored lights groaning under the weight of crushed peppermint snow.

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  • How Doth the Little Crocodile Perfume Oil

    How doth the little crocodile
    Improve his shining tail,
    And pour the waters of the Nile
    On every golden scale!

    How cheerfully he seems to grin,
    How neatly spreads his claws,
    And welcomes little fishes in
    With gently smiling jaws!

    Chocolate peppermint, mint-soaked vanilla, pistachio, oakmoss, and green cedar.

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  • Icy Drafts Perfume Oil

    A single, grave-cold finger, gently stroked the length of your spine: frosted eucalyptus, ti leaf, white bergamot, peppermint, and absinthe.

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    Night’s Bridge Perfume Oil

    And then they turned a corner, and saw the bridge. It could have been one of the bridges over the Thames, five hundred years ago, thought Richard; a huge stone bridge spanning out over a vast black chasm, into the night. But there was no sky above it, no water below. It rose into darkness.

    Stone and darkness.

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    Only a Sip Perfume Oil

    Shadow began to feel headachy. There was a pounding quality to the starlight, something that resonated with the pulse in his temples and his chest. At the bottom of the next hill he stumbled, opened his mouth to say something and, without warning, he vomited.

    Wednesday reached into an inside pocket, and produced a small hip flask. “Take a sip of this,” he said. “Only a sip.”

    The liquid was pungent, and it evaporated in his mouth like a good brandy, although it did not taste like alcohol. Wednesday took the flask away, and pocketed it. “It’s not good for the audience to find themselves walking about backstage. That’s why you’re feeling sick. We need to hurry to get you out of here.”

    Orange peel, rosemary oil, peppermint, and cloves.

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    Schrodinger’s Cat Perfume Oil

    One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following diabolical device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat): in a Geiger counter there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of one hour one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges and through a relay releases a hammer which shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The first atomic decay would have poisoned it. The Psi function for the entire system would express this by having in it the living and the dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts. It is typical of these cases that an indeterminacy originally restricted to the atomic domain becomes transformed into macroscopic indeterminacy, which can then be resolved by direct observation. That prevents us from so naively accepting as valid a “blurred model” for representing reality. In itself it would not embody anything unclear or contradictory. There is a difference between a shaky or out-of-focus photograph and a snapshot of clouds and fog banks.

    A paradoxical scent experiment! – tangerine, sugared lime, pink grapefruit, oakmoss, lavender, zdravetz, and chocolate peppermint.

    No cats were mistreated during the formulation of this paradox, or in the process of creating this perfume.

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    Selaphobia Perfume Oil

    Fear of Flashing Lights

    A hideous cacophony of bleating colors, sizzling the eye with blasts of staccato rainbow fire.

    Pummeling flares of lemon peel and sparks of peppermint under a lime-green strobe.

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  • Snip-Snip Perfume Oil

    This oil will assist in dissolving unhealthy ties to your past and freeing your heart and mind of connections to people, ideas, and habits that no longer serve you.

    Snip-Snip contains lemon, peppermint, lemon balm, eucalyptus, and lemongrass.

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    Travel Buddies Perfume Oil

    Brian: “Here, we’re en route to Frankfurt Flughafen and then off to Berlin. It’s always fun to travel with Lilith. We’ve been on a lot of trips together, going all the way back to her first trip out of LA when she was 1. We went to New Orleans that time. We’ve traveled for work and we’ve traveled for fun, and everything is a little bit more interesting when I’m with this kid.”

    Lilith: “I remember being in a t-shirt in the freezing cold here because I took my jacket off in the airport because it was so hot. I love travelling with my Unkie.”

    A reinvigorating travel survival oil containing essential oils of frankincense, lemon, eucalyptus, peppermint and rosemary. Leave it to the Virgos to have a practical oil here.

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