Hey, someone rearranged the furniture!
The Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has undergone a facelift! Before I delve into the new bells, whistles, and gewgaws, I want to thank the woman responsible for the Lab overhaul: Kaitlin Reeves of Form & Function [ web production ].
Kaitlin, you are amazing. Thank you for all of your hard work. Thank you for all the blood, sweat, and tears that you invested in the construction of the new site. You are an amazing person – talented, dedicated, smart as hell, and beautiful inside and out – and we are so, so grateful for you.
So, what’s new? Well, the search function is back for starters…
+ User accounts: You can create an account when you place your first order or by clicking here. You are welcome to order as a guest and not create an account, but having one gives you access to special features, such as…
+ Account Dashboard: You can access your dashboard by clicking on the “Login/ Account Dashboard” link on the top black navigation bar. From this page, you can view your order status, review your order history, change your shipping or billing address and view your Wishlists.
+ Wishlists: Wishlists allow you to keep track of the stuff you want. They can be private or serve as a public gift registry for friends, family or random admirers. You can have as many as you want. You can access your Wishlist control center by clicking on the “Wishlists” link on the top black navigation bar. You can add things to your Wishlist by going to a product page and clicking the link beneath the “Add to Cart” button that says “Add to my Wishlist”.
+ Fancy Search: There are two places you can search the new site, on the top black navigation bar or on the top of the sidebar (on pages that have one). The search looks at scent names, tags, categories, Shiny & New posts, and pages. Once you type a few letters a drop down will appear revealing the best matches. You can click directly on what you want to go to that page. You can also click the magnifying glass image to go to a full search results page.
+ Gift Certificates: You can purchase gift certificates in any amount you choose by clicking here, or the link on the sidebar. They can be automatically emailed as gifts to the recipient of your choice or sent to you (to use for yourself or to gift at a later time). Gift certificates are redeemable through entering the code in the coupon box on the cart or during checkout. For security, the gift certificate code is matched against the email it was sent to during checkout, so make sure to use the same email when you use it!
+ Reviews: You can leave a review and a rating on any product page by looking beneath the share bar and looking on the left hand tabs for “Reviews”. You can also read other people’s reviews of products in the same place.
+ Waitlists: If a product goes out of stock or gets discontinued, there will be a notice and an option to sign up for the Waitlist. If that product comes back in stock, you will be notified of its availability. We can also see how much demand there is for different products, so this will help us re-stock what you want faster and maybe even get some posthumously popular products resurrected.
+ Directory: We have compiled a directory that has every scent, tag, category, and page on the site. All of those items are also available through the search bar, so don’t feel like you need to wade through that if you don’t want to!
+ Social Media: Fancy share buttons are available in the footer and on product pages below the main scent section!
+ Payment Gateways: So long, CCNow! When you check out, you can choose to pay through Paypal or Authorize.net.
+ Shipping Calculation: The system will be able to calculate shipping for you automatically based on what you have in your cart and where in the world you want it sent. Free shipping will be automatically applied on orders over $175 shipped to the US or $300 shipped internationally.
+ I’m sure there are some things that we’ve forgotten to cover, so get thee forth and wander!
The site is going to be an ever-evolving work-in-progress, and there’s quite a bit that still needs spiffin’ up. Please keep your eyes peeled for little functional and aesthetic changes and improvements in the upcoming months.
And onto the smells! —
On that day, the Harmony of the World shattered. The Skeksis woke from the shock of division, and they woke full of violence and anger. They stormed into the Crystal Chamber, staggering with the strain of their new bodies, grasping each other to stand yet hating each other’s touch. There was loud argument, they struck blows, one hit the Crystal. A shard broke from the Crystal and flew up the shaft, out onto the mountainside. And the light left the crystal.
For the span of a single breath, there was no sound heard…
My dear friends, skekNa, skekTek, skekUng, and skekZok, have come for a visit!
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skekNa the Slave Master Perfume Oil
Add to cartSkekNa the Slave Master remains silent most of the time, except for occasional sneers and hisses. His action is dominated by kicking, whipping, and herding little Podling slaves. Between meals, the Skeksis sought out skekNa the Slave Master for scraps to appease the raging hunger they always felt. SkekNa was purely and openly evil from the beginning, and without him the work of the Castle would never have been done.
The essence of vile gluttony: an abundance of spices, sweet cakes, thick creams, and opulent liqueurs mixed with the scent of whip leather and rusted padlocks.
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skekUng the Garthim Master Perfume Oil
Add to cartStrongest of all for brute force – after the Emperor – was skekUng the Garthim Master. Torment was his pleasure, though his urSkeks originally had been a healer and continued so in his urRu form. Hidden in that tall, shining urSkek was one who, ages later, could find pleasure in tearing apart the gentle Gelfling. The urSkeks knew this evil was in them and tried hard to burn it out.
Brute force and destruction: vetiver, smoke, steel, and dragon’s blood resin.
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skekTek the Scientist Perfume Oil
Add to cartSkekTek the Scientist kept some real power of thought, but in truth he had become only a juggler of ideas, of memories from his previous life. He had studied the light of the Crystal and used it for the division. And he studied the wounded Crystal, and by that light he saw his ways to acts of darkness. First, he learned the art to make beams of light from the Dark Crystal, which he burned into the eyes of the Pod People and Gelfling to make them his slaves. After the light had struck them, no light lived in their eyes, but they obeyed. And the second evil was to use dark light to draw the essence of life, to drain it from the living to make a drink for the Skeksis, above all for the Emperor. This essence gave them back their youth and vigor for a while, only for a little while; but many Gelflings were victims forever.
Metal and stone and beams of dark light: hyssop, black currant, black viola, passionflower, and myrrh.
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skekZok the Ritual Master Perfume Oil
Add to cartSkekZok the Ritual Master was thought to hold control of the court entirely in his own hands. He had the ear of skekSo the Emperor, whose wishes were absolute; no one could hope for success except through skekZok. He sought to rule the other Skeksis through prophecies he invented and false apparitions he conjured. SkekZok found that the Emperor raised favorites only to enjoy the pleasure of their fall, while other distrustful Skeksis practiced their own secret divinations.
An incense of deception: frankincense, opoponax, hyssop, champaca, and opium poppy accord.
A million thanks to our good friends at Jim Henson Studios! You are wonderful people, and it is an honor to work with you!
It’s that time of year again! The nip of winter wind is in the air, Krampus is dusting off his switches, Befana is polishing her broom, and Miskatonic Valley villagers are preparing for their winter solstice feasts.
++ MISKATONIC VALLEY YULETIDE: THE FESTIVAL
The nethermost caverns are not for the fathoming of eyes that see; for their marvels are strange and terrific. Cursed the ground where dead thoughts live new and oddly bodied, and evil the mind that is held by no head. Wisely did Ibn Schacabao say, that happy is the tomb where no wizard hath lain, and happy the town at night whose wizards are all ashes. For it is of old rumour that the soul of the devil-bought hastes not from his charnel clay, but fats and instructs the very worm that gnaws; till out of corruption horrid life springs, and the dull scavengers of earth wax crafty to vex it and swell monstrous to plague it. Great holes secretly are digged where earth’s pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl.
Buried in the echoes of time immemorial is the Miskatonic Valley rite of the Festival. While the origins are lost in space and time, our holiday customs have been memorialized through oral tradition and the eons-long observation of our rituals, year after year.
So, don your holiday ritual robes, grab your discordant flutes, hop on your limply-flopping demon mounts, take a swig of goat milk cocoa, and head down to the Stygian grotto to join the villagers of Kingsport as they observe the time-worn traditions of the Festival. Celebrate the season the Miskatonic Valley way!
Refreshments provided by Arkham’s own Mother Shub and Zadok Allen Vineyard.
Happy Yule, Kingsport!
++ YULE 2013
++ YULE: GINGERBREAD COTILLION
NOW you shall hear a story that somebody’s great-great-grandmother told a little girl ever so many years ago:
There was once a little old man and a little old woman, who lived in a little old house in the edge of a wood. They would have been a very happy old couple but for one thing — they had no little child, and they wished for one very much. One day, when the little old woman was baking gingerbread, she cut a cake in the shape of a little boy, and put it into the oven.
Presently she went to the oven to see if it was baked. As soon as the oven door was opened, the little gingerbread boy jumped out, and began to run away as fast as he could go.
The little old woman called her husband, and they both ran after him. But they could not catch him. And soon the gingerbread boy came to a barn full of threshers. He called out to them as he went by, saying:
I’ve run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
And I can run away from you, I can!
Then the barn full of threshers set out to run after him. But, though they ran fast, they could not catch him. And he ran on till he came to a field full of mowers. He called out to them:
I’ve run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
A barn full of threshers,
And I can run away from you, I can!
Then the mowers began to run after him, but they couldn’t catch him. And he ran on till he came to a cow. He called out to her:
I’ve run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
A barn full of threshers,
A field full of mowers,
And I can run away from you, I can!
But, though the cow started at once, she couldn’t catch him. And soon he came to a pig. He called out to the pig:
I’ve run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
A barn full of threshers,
A field full of mowers,
A cow,
And I can run away from you, I can!
But the pig ran, and couldn’t catch him. And he ran till he came across a fox, and to him he called out:
I’ve run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
A barn full of threshers,
A field full of mowers,
A cow and a pig,
And I can run away from you, I can!
Then the fox set out to run. Now foxes can run very fast, and so the fox soon caught the gingerbread boy and began to eat him up.
Presently the gingerbread boy said, “Oh dear! I’m quarter gone!” And then, “Oh, I’m half gone!” And soon, “I’m three-quarters gone!” And at last, “I’m all gone!” and never spoke again.
++ YULE: BRIAN KESINGER’S OTTO AND VICTORIA
Inspired by Brian Kesinger’s Otto and Victoria!
Brian’s official website | Blogspot
Next up: table rapping, a ghostly photo shoot, some ectoplasm, and the BPTP Yules!