Freak in the Sheets
“O Friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and yet you remain unaware!”
While most aspire to spookier, more inventive, or more glamorous costumes, the humble sheet ghost remains firmly in step with the concept of Halloween as the provenance of children, tricksters, spirits, and others who fly by the sheet of their pants.
Arising from history as an ad-hoc approximation of a funeral shroud (inhabited or otherwise) the simplicity of the sheet ghost design is also its strength; derided by many as “low effort” holiday attire, it endures as the most accessible and recognizable costume of all, keeping it perpetually ripe for reinvention.
Nowadays, white sheets are less fashionable— and so are funeral shrouds, for that matter. Our FREAK IN THE SHEETS perfume collection is here to assure you that taste in bedroom decor needn’t hinder one’s ghostly aspirations in the slightest! While you’re at it, no one can stop you from updating your end-of-life plans to make sure you’re sent to the grave wound in cool, breathable 270-thread percale, or a swath of jersey knit fit for a California king. It’s called fashion, spook it up!
Sheet ghost models: Mabel Garcia, Galen Adair, Ted Burton, Tina Hyland, and Lady Bearica Andrews
Styling and photos by T. Bloom
Black Satin Sheet Ghost Perfume OilOut of Stock
Sleek, chic, très gothique! Nothing says “this party is strictly for adults” like a costume that renders the wearer virtually invisible to motorists. One can’t help but admire the black satin sheet ghost’s dedication to both Thanatos and Eros, having punched a person-shaped hole into the world and then leaving it to our imaginations to fill that billowing void. Most likely an inhuman presence, since only the most decadent or depraved individual would sacrifice such fancy linens to the party gods for a single night of prowling (alternately, if it’s a polyester imitation, they are masochistic to the core).
Glimmering lacquered black patchouli drenched in mate, clary sage, narcissus, and opium tar.
Cognac-Stained Sheet Ghost Perfume OilOut of Stock
Many believe that our ghostly form will bear traces of the experiences that marked us in life. As such, the sheet ghost you encounter at dawn may bear little resemblance to the pristine figure who set out to join the revel the night before. Drifting homeward, who wouldn’t be grateful for the concealment of a shroud, albeit one covered in evidence of the night’s debaucheries? Just make sure you don’t spark a cig anywhere near this bedraggled creature – important etiquette for all sheet ghost encounters, but especially if they happen to be soaked in spirits.
Vanilla-infused balsam, white cognac, and tumbleweeds.
Floral Sheet Ghost Perfume OilOut of Stock
Europeans went mad for imported chintz (from the Hindi word chint, meaning “spotted,” “speckled,” or “sprayed”) long before they figured out how to print these gay floral patterns themselves. As printing techniques became more refined worldwide, it was possible to sleep and dress in all floral everything. Soft as it may seem, the floral sheet ghost is a liberated figure with a camp sensibility, capable of bringing its own flowers to the funeral; its splotches of color conveniently hide all manner of embarrassments. Perfect for letting the world know you are living your best death!
Strawberry-stained rose and peony with squished carnation and sugared pineapple.
Paisley Sheet Ghost Perfume OilOut of Stock
Inspired by shapes in nature, such as fruits, nuts, leaves, and trees, this lively pattern is Persian in origin, evolving over the centuries from a simpler floral design into a “boteh” or bush, gradually becoming the curved, teardrop-shaped element we’re familiar with today. A pattern with a rich and varied history, it only became popularized as “paisley” when shawl-makers in the town of Paisley, Scotland began copying the latest designs coming out of Kashmir.
This worldliness (not to mention associations with the psychedelic movement of the 1960s) imparts a sense of bohemian sophistication to paisley sheet ghost encounters, leaving witnesses with many intriguing questions. For example: is that ectoplasm, or hash resin?
Weedsmoke-infused white sandalwood, wild oakmoss, cannabis flower accord, hash resin accord, tonka bean, lavender bud, champaca flower, and tolu balsam.
Please note: this perfume contains no THC, no cannabis, no mary jane, no doobage, no squidgy black, no nothin’. Get thee to a dispensary, go.
Traditional Sheet Ghost Perfume OilOut of Stock
Immaculate. Economical. Institutional. The gold standard of the hospitality industry, a perfect blank canvas to color with our darkest dreams, our filthiest fantasies. The “little black dress” of the Halloween jetset, this holiday standard has become even more iconic with age thanks to innumerable film and TV appearances. Long may she wave!
Cool white cotton, marshmallow fluff, and lemony Oman frankincense.