Lupercalia 2024 Hair Gloss & Beard Oil

  • equestrienne

    Equestrienne Hair Gloss

    Blood red velvet, a crack of polished leather, rosewater, and brandy

    Illustration: vintage Moulin Rouge cabinet card.

    Add to cart

    Fancy Pups Beard Oil

    I am his Highness’ dog at Kew,

    Pray tell me sir, whose dog are you?

    ― Alexander Pope


    A genteel affair that presses against the constraints of common decency: tumescent black silk, pink sugared patent leather, rich tobacco leaf, sunrise papaya, and mango cream with crystalline trickles of clean pup sweat.


    Illustration by Maximiliano Pino

    Instagram: @jugodepapaya


    Add to cart
  • roses marshmallows and afterglow

    Rose Petals, Marshmallows, and Afterglow Hair Gloss

    A sweet, sexy scent for when you want to get some, just finished getting some, or want to smell like you got some.

    Illustration by Thomas Rowlandson.

    Add to cart
  • womb furie

    Womb Furie Hair Gloss

    In the middle of the flanks of women lies the womb, a female viscus, closely resembling an animal; for it is moved of itself hither and thither in the flanks, also upwards in a direct line to below the cartilage of the thorax and also obliquely to the right or to the left, either to the liver or spleen; and it likewise is subject to falling downwards, and, in a word, it is altogether erratic. It delights, also, in fragrant smells, and advances towards them; and it has an aversion to fetid smells, and flees from them; and on the whole the womb is like an animal within an animal.

    – Aretaeus the Cappadocian


    Oh, that wily womb! Hippocrates and his followers considered the womb a mobile creature, causing mayhem as it writhed its way through a woman’s body. Sometimes this ornery organ, due to lack of sexual activity, would create conflicts within a woman’s system or would become blocked itself, causing anxiety, nervousness, water retention, and sleeplessness. With the assistance of doctors, nursemaids, hand tools, or, occasionally, self-manipulation, this vexing condition could be alleviated through hysterical paroxysms.


    Or, as we call it nowadays: orgasm.


    An itch that needs to be scratched: Snake Oil and three types of honey.

    Add to cart