Lemon

  • A Balmy 26 Degrees Perfume Oil

    These three are far braver than I am. It was snowing buckets and the wind was whipping across the Fuschlsee, but these maniacs still went into the outdoor hot tub.

    A wintry spa scent: green tea, aloe, eucalyptus, icy lemon, and French sage.

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  • Absinthe Perfume Oil

    Fall under the spell of our Green Fairy! An intoxicating blend containing wormwood essence, light mints, cardamom, anise, hyssop, and the barest hint of lemon.

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  • Absurd Suggestive Card Game Perfume Oil

    When you need a change of pace from Strip Twister: lemon candies, orange suckers, and strawberry sugar.

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  • Alternative Facts Perfume Oil

    The truth hurts — so why tell it? Muffle the blow with Alternative Facts.

    For example:

    FACT: Following White House advisor Kellyanne Conway’s January 22 appearance on “Meet The Press,” sales of George Orwell’s 1984 skyrocketed, making it the fifth-best selling book on Amazon.com.

    ALTERNATIVE FACT: In under a week, President Trump’s administration has already managed to improve literacy, reflecting the public’s renewed interest in privatized education, as well as its rejection of the mainstream media in favor of more “traditional” forms of information-gathering.

    See how easy that is? With the help of Alternative Facts, even the most unpalatable among us can preside over a gallery of glittering, candy-coated delusions — one in which reality itself conforms to our beliefs, sincerely-held or otherwise.

    ALTERNATIVE FACTS: If you truly want to obfuscate what you really smell like, this is the scent for you! Sugar-crusted vanilla, a firecracker-blast of cherry and sour lemon, a hint of scuttling spiders, encroaching fog, and trumpets of bombast, bluff, and bluster.

    Like its companion scent Fake News, proceeds from Alternative Facts will benefit the ACLU.

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  • Coral Snake Perfume Oil

    Snake Oil with blood orange, blood apple, lemon peel, plumeria, and red gardenia.

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  • Cottonmouth Perfume Oil

    Snake Oil with linden blossom, calla lily, passion flower, and narcissus.

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  • Embalming Fluid Perfume Oil

    A light, pure scent: white musk, green tea, aloe and lemon.

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  • Fate’s Jester Perfume Oil

    Speaking truth to kings, beggars, and popes alike, immune to retribution and lordly wrath as he flings wise quips like cream pies and barbed arrows.

    A motley tunic, festooned in bells: red currant and lemon peel over sugared patchouli and a bit of buttercream.

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  • Imp Pack: Citrus Perfume Oil

    —Aelopile
    —Villain
    —Baobhan Sith
    —Cheshire Cat
    —Santa Eularia Des Riu
    —Xiuhtecuhtli

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  • Lemon-Scented Sticky Bat Perfume Oil

    …last week Maddy woke me up early in the morning.

    “Daddy,” she said, “There’s a bat on the kitchen window.”

    “Grumphle,” I said and went back to sleep.

    Soon, she woke me up again. “I did a drawing of the bat on the kitchen window,” she said, and showed me her drawing. For a five year old she’s a very good artist. It was a schematic of the kitchen windows, showing a bat on one of the windows.

    “Very nice dear,” I said. Then I went back to sleep.

    When I went downstairs…

    We have, instead of dangling fly papers, transparent strips of gluey clear plastic, about six inches long and an inch high, stuck to the windows on the ground floor. When they accumulate enough flies, you peel them off the window and throw them away.

    There was a bat stuck to one. He was facing out into the room. “I think he’s dead,” said my assistant Lorraine.

    I peeled the plastic off the window. The bat hissed at me.

    “Nope,” I said. “He’s fine. Just stuck.”

    The question then became, how does one get a bat (skin and fur) off a fly-strip. Luckily, I bethought me of the Bram Stoker award. After the door had fallen off (see earler in this topic) I had bought some citrus solvent to take the old glue to reglue the door on.

    So I dripped citrus solvent onto the grumpy bat, edging him off the plastic with a twig, until a lemon-scented sticky bat crawled onto a newspaper. Which I put on the top of a high woodpile, and watched the bat crawl into the logs. With any luck he was as right as rain the following night…

    Sticky-sweet iced lemon sugar!

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  • Mincemeat Pie Perfume Oil

    No minces were harmed in the making of this pie perfume.

    Figs, raisins, dried cherries, and suet accord (vegan-safe!) steeped in dark brown sugar, crystallized ginger, lemon and orange zest, nutmeg, allspice, and clove, embraced by an apple cider cornmeal crust.

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  • Morana Perfume Oil

    Snow drifting on black pine, blood red apple, rosewood, osmanthus, and lemon peel.

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  • National Emergy (sic) Perfume Oil

    A new form of presidential power was granted by the National Emergencies Act in 1976, and as you can see in this list provided by ABC News, nearly all of the Emergencies declared by U.S. Presidents over the past decades have related to international affairs, usually in response to crises that arise beyond our borders.

    We could argue for the next eight years whether each of these instances was truly warranted (this is certain scholars’ full-time occupation). What’s clear is that the so-called Emergency being declared this week is a nothing but an autocratic attempt to circumvent the healthy checks and balances established in the U.S. Constitution a document our President has sworn to uphold.

    Our government was specifically devised this way to keep power from concentrating in any one area, formed in response to life under monarchical control. This administration has done everything in its power to blur, erode, and reach beyond these limitations. This abuse of the National Emergencies Act is just the latest example of a President deliberately entering a legal grey area to further his own racist, xenophobic, and unpopular political agenda.

    Please take the time to contact your elected representatives, regardless of party affiliation, so they understand just how aware American citizens actually are when it comes to the issues of immigrants and asylum-seekers at the U.S./Mexico border.

    In the meantime, we offer this: the rising haze of American unease in the face of autocracy, fanning the flames of our activism and renewing our vigilance against the erosion of civil rights our own, and those of others whose situation grows more precarious with every passing week.  

    Climate change is a national emergency.

    Gun violence is a national emergency.

    Homelessness is a national emergency.

    The constitutional crisis that this administration is inflicting on the United States is a national emergency.

    Building a multi-billion dollar monument to racism is NOT a national emergency.

    NATIONAL EMERGY (sic)

    A four-alarm fire made of bold faced lies: bullshit-brown patchouli aflame with red ginger and pimento, sugared with the poisonous false promises of a racist autocrat, soured by hazard-yellow lemon rind.

    Proceeds from the sale of this perfume blend will benefit the American Civil Liberties Union

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  • New Orleans Perfume Oil

    Reminiscent of hothouse blooms on a humid night, ripe, but touched with decay. Sweet honeysuckle and jasmine with a hint of lemon and spice.

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  • Seven Word Story: Wrath Perfume Oil

    The subject of our latest #BPAL7wordstory contest was WRATH. The winning entry was submitted by Miss Paulette:

    The poison worked slowly, to her delight.

    Bitter almond swirled into black patchouli, with red amber, rum absolute, and lemon peel.

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  • The Moon Goddess Perfume Oil

    Virgin, huntress, witch, holding the mysteries and powers of womanhood between her palms: vetiver, white pine,  hay, Sicilian lemon, leather, and agarwood.

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  • Travel Buddies Perfume Oil

    Brian: “Here, we’re en route to Frankfurt Flughafen and then off to Berlin. It’s always fun to travel with Lilith. We’ve been on a lot of trips together, going all the way back to her first trip out of LA when she was 1. We went to New Orleans that time. We’ve traveled for work and we’ve traveled for fun, and everything is a little bit more interesting when I’m with this kid.”

    Lilith: “I remember being in a t-shirt in the freezing cold here because I took my jacket off in the airport because it was so hot. I love travelling with my Unkie.”

    A reinvigorating travel survival oil containing essential oils of frankincense, lemon, eucalyptus, peppermint and rosemary. Leave it to the Virgos to have a practical oil here.

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  • Twelve Ways to Play a Musical Instrument Perfume Oil

    Blue lilac, pink pepper, birch tar, juniper berry, and lemon peel.

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  • Zephyr Perfume Oil

    A gentle white scent, breezes laced with the scent of springtime blooms and citrus. Lemon, lemon verbena, neroli, white musk, white florals, white sandalwood, China musk, bergamot and a drop of vanilla.

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