Mad Tea Party

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

The Dodgson Collection.

Scents inspired by the madness of Alice’s sojourns to Wonderland.

PERFUME OIL BLENDS
Presented in an amber apothecary glass vial.

More Mad Tea Party wares are available via the Trading Post.

Mad Tea Party

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

The Dodgson Collection.

Scents inspired by the madness of Alice’s sojourns to Wonderland.

PERFUME OIL BLENDS
Presented in an amber apothecary glass vial.

More Mad Tea Party wares are available via the Trading Post.

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    ‘Tis the Voice of the Lobster Perfume Oil

    ‘Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare
    ‘You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.’
    As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
    Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
    When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
    And will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark;
    But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
    His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.

    I passed by his garden and marked, with one eye,
    How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie:
    The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
    While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
    When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
    Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
    While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
    And concluded the banquet by —

    A woody, musky-weird base glooping over with blackberry preserves, a twist of mandarin, strawberry juice, pulverized watermelon, and a handful of smushed gardenia petals.

    Out of Stock
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    Against Idleness and Mischief Perfume Oil

    How doth the little busy bee
    Improve each shining hour
    And gather honey all the day
    From every opening flower!

    How skilfully she builds her cell!
    How neat she spreads the wax!
    And labours hard to store it well
    With the sweet food she makes.

    In works of labour or of skill,
    I would be busy too;
    For Satan finds some mischief still
    For idle hands to do.

    In books, or work, or healthful play,
    Let my first years be passed,
    That I may give for every day
    Some good account at last.

    Pollen-dusted honey, diligent tonka, steadfast chamomile, and goodly hyssop.

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    Alice

    Curiouser and curiouser. Milk and honey with rose, carnation and bergamot.

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    Alice’s Evidence Perfume Oil

    There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really clever thing the King had said that day.

    ‘That proves his guilt,’ said the Queen.

    ‘It proves nothing of the sort!’ said Alice. ‘Why, you don’t even know what they’re about!’

    ‘Read them,’ said the King.

    The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. ‘Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?’ he asked.

    ‘Begin at the beginning,’ the King said gravely, ‘and go on till you come to the end: then stop.’

    These were the verses the White Rabbit read:-

    They told me you had been to her,
    And mentioned me to him:
    She gave me a good character,
    But said I could not swim.

    He sent them word I had not gone
    (We know it to be true):
    If she should push the matter on,
    What would become of you?

    I gave her one, they gave him two,
    You gave us three or more;
    They all returned from him to you,
    Though they were mine before.

    If I or she should chance to be
    Involved in this affair,
    He trusts to you to set them free,
    Exactly as we were.

    My notion was that you had been
    (Before she had this fit)
    An obstacle that came between
    Him, and ourselves, and it,

    Don’t let him know she liked them best,
    For this must ever be
    A secret, kept from all the rest,
    Between yourself and me.

    ‘That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet,’ said the King, rubbing his hands; ‘so now let the jury-‘

    ‘If any one of them can explain it,’ said Alice, (she had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn’t a bit afraid of interrupting him,) ‘I’ll give him sixpence. I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.’

    The jury all wrote down on their slates, ‘She doesn’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it,’ but none of them attempted to explain the paper.

    ‘If there’s no meaning in it,’ said the King, ‘that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try to find any…’

    Containing nary a neutron of meaning: rum-quince-cassis with prune and a bit of black ginger.

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    Caterpillar Perfume Oil

    Heavy incense notes waft lazily through a mix of carnation, jasmine, bergamot, and neroli over a lush bed of dark mosses, iris blossom, deep patchouli and indolent vetiver.

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    Cheshire Cat Perfume Oil

    Grapefruit, red currant, dark musk, Roman chamomile, delphinium, and lavender.

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    Croquet Perfume Oil

    ‘Get to your places!’ shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.

    The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

    We have some trouble managing our flamingos, too. Pink lime, pink grapefruit, white nectarine, wild rose, sage, woody patchouli, bergamot, and ornery hedgehog musk.

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    Dodo Perfume Oil

    ‘In that case,’ said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, ‘I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies –’

    ‘Speak English!’ said the Eaglet. ‘I don’t know the meaning of half those long words, and, what’s more, I don’t believe you do either!’ And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.

    ‘What I was going to say,’ said the Dodo in an offended tone, ‘was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.’

    ‘What is a Caucus-race?’ said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

    ‘Why,’ said the Dodo, ‘the best way to explain it is to do it.’ (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)

    First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (‘the exact shape doesn’t matter,’ it said,) and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was no ‘One, two, three, and away,’ but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out ‘The race is over!’ and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, ‘But who has won?’

    This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody has won, and all must have prizes.’

    Red musk, lemon peel, sugar cane, cassia, white sandalwood, mango, and agarwood.

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    Dormouse Perfume Oil

    A dizzying eddy of four teas brushed with light herbs and a breath of peony.

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    Drink Me Perfume Oil

    There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (‘which certainly was not here before,’ said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words ‘DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters.

    It was all very well to say ‘Drink me,’ but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. ‘No, I’ll look first,’ she said, ‘and see whether it’s marked “poison” or not’; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

    However, this bottle was not marked ‘poison,’ so Alice ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.

    BPAL’s Drink Me is not for drinking. Please use common sense, and remember: perfume oils are for external use only.

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    Eat Me

    Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words ‘EAT ME’ were beautifully marked in currants.

    ‘Well, I’ll eat it,’ said Alice, ‘and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I’ll get into the garden, and I don’t care which happens!’ 

    She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, ‘Which way? Which way?’, holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.

    Three white cakes, vanilla, and red and black currants.

    BPAL’s Eat Me is not for eating. Please use common sense, and remember: perfume oils are for external use only.

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  • How Doth the Little Crocodile Perfume Oil

    How doth the little crocodile
    Improve his shining tail,
    And pour the waters of the Nile
    On every golden scale!

    How cheerfully he seems to grin,
    How neatly spreads his claws,
    And welcomes little fishes in
    With gently smiling jaws!

    Chocolate peppermint, mint-soaked vanilla, pistachio, oakmoss, and green cedar.

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    Jabberwocky Perfume Oil

    And, as in uffish thought he stood,
    The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
    Come whiffing through the tulgey wood,
    And burbled as it came!

    An earthy yet buoyant scent: pine, eucalyptus and orange.

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    King of Hearts Perfume Oil

    ‘How do you like the Queen?’ said the Cat in a low voice. 

    ‘Not at all,’ said Alice: ‘she’s so extremely–‘ Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, ‘–likely to win, that it’s hardly worth while finishing the game.’ 

    The Queen smiled and passed on. 

    ‘Who ARE you talking to?’ said the King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.

    ‘It’s a friend of mine–a Cheshire Cat,’ said Alice: ‘allow me to introduce it.’ 

    ‘I don’t like the look of it at all,’ said the King: ‘however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.’ 

    ‘I’d rather not,’ the Cat remarked. 

    ‘Don’t be impertinent,’ said the King, ‘and don’t look at me like that!’ He got behind Alice as he spoke.

    ‘A cat may look at a king,’ said Alice. ‘I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t remember where.’ 

    ‘Well, it must be removed,’ said the King very decidedly, and he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, ‘My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!’ 

    The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. 

    ‘-Off with his head!’ she said, without even looking round. 

    ‘I’ll fetch the executioner myself,’ said the King eagerly, and he hurried off. 

    Rosewood and black cherry with white musk, red rose, red musk and a spark of lavender.

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    Knave of Hearts Perfume Oil

    ‘Herald, read the accusation!’ said the King.

    On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:–

    ‘The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
    All on a summer day:
    The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
    And took them quite away!’

    Crushed roses and blackcurrant tarts.

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    Lion Perfume Oil

    The dry, glorious warmth of the Savannah. A golden, spiced amber, proud, regal and ferocious.

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    Mad Hatter Perfume Oil

    A gentlemen’s lavender-citron cologne unhinged by the feral pungence of black musk and a paroxysm of pennyroyal.

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    Mouse’s Long and Sad Tale Perfume Oil

    ‘Fury said to a
    mouse, That he
    met in the
    house,
    “Let us
    both go to
    law: I will
    prosecute
    YOU. –Come,
    I’ll take no
    denial; We
    must have a
    trial: For
    really this
    morning I’ve
    nothing
    to do.”
    Said the
    mouse to the
    cur, “Such
    a trial,
    dear Sir,
    With
    no jury
    or judge,
    would be
    wasting
    our
    breath.”
    “I’ll be
    judge, I’ll
    be jury,”
    Said
    cunning
    old Fury:
    “I’ll
    try the
    whole
    cause,
    and
    condemn
    you
    to
    d
    e
    a
    t
    h
    .”

    Vanilla, two ambers, sweet pea and white sandalwood.

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    Queen Alice Perfume Oil

    At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was heard singing: 

    ‘To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said
    “I’ve a sceptre in hand, I’ve a crown on my head.
    Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be
    Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!”‘
    And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus: 
    ‘Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,
    And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran:
    Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea —
    And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three!’

    Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself `Thirty times three makes ninety. I wonder if any one’s counting?’ In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse: 

    ‘”O Looking-Glass creatures,” quoth Alice, “draw near!
    ‘Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear:
    ‘Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea
    Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!”‘
    Then came the chorus again: 
    ‘Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,
    Or anything else that is pleasant to drink:
    Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine —
    And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!’

    Carnation, posies, and white amber with a hint of inky treacle, sandy cider, and wooly wine.

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    Queen of Hearts Perfume Oil

    Lily of the Valley, Calla Lily, stephanotis and a drop of cherry.

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    Red Queen Perfume Oil

    Deep mahogany and rich, velvety woods lacquered with sweet, black-red cherries and currant.

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    Tweedledee Perfume Oil

    Tweedledum and Tweedledee 
    Agreed to have a battle! 
    For Tweedledum said Tweedledee 
    Had spoiled his nice new rattle. 

    Just then flew down a monstrous crow, 
    As black as a tar-barrel! 
    Which frightened both the heroes so, 
    They quite forgot their quarrel.’

    Ridiculous! Kumquat, white pepper, white tea and orange blossom.

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    Tweedledum Perfume Oil

    Tweedledum and Tweedledee 
    Agreed to have a battle! 
    For Tweedledum said Tweedledee 
    Had spoiled his nice new rattle. 

    Just then flew down a monstrous crow, 
    As black as a tar-barrel! 
    Which frightened both the heroes so, 
    They quite forgot their quarrel.’

    Absurd! Green mango, fig, patchouli and green tea.

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    Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat Perfume Oil

    Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
    How I wonder what you’re at!
    Up above the world you fly,
    Like a teatray in the sky.
    Twinkle, twinkle little bat!
    How I wonder what you’re at!

    A sparkly, batty little scent: green tea, melon, mint, lime rind, and champagne grape with lemon balm, mullein, and toadflax.

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    Two, Five & Seven Perfume Oil

    ‘Would you tell me,’ said Alice, a little timidly, ‘why you are painting those roses?’

    Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, ‘Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to–’

    A huge bouquet of squished rose petals: Bulgarian rose, Somalian rose, Turkish rose, Damascus rose, red and white rose, tea rose, wine rose, shrub roses, rose, rose, rose…

    …and just an itty bitty bit of green grass.

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    White Rabbit Perfume Oil

    Strong black tea and milk with white pepper, ginger, honey and vanilla, spilled over the crisp scent of clean linen.

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Mad Tea Party - Moral Hymnody and Nonsense

Lewis Carroll used the Looking Glasses and Rabbit Holes of his fantasy world to mock many contemporary conventions and demonstrate, through nonsense, the strangeness of the human condition. The madness of Wonderland illustrated the absurdities he perceived in the strict, orderly world he lived in.

In the first perfumes of this subseries, our scents parallel the poetic parodies: Lewis Carroll versus Isaac Watts.

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    ‘Tis the Voice of the Lobster Perfume Oil

    ‘Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare
    ‘You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.’
    As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
    Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
    When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
    And will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark;
    But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
    His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.

    I passed by his garden and marked, with one eye,
    How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie:
    The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
    While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
    When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
    Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
    While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
    And concluded the banquet by —

    A woody, musky-weird base glooping over with blackberry preserves, a twist of mandarin, strawberry juice, pulverized watermelon, and a handful of smushed gardenia petals.

    Out of Stock
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    Against Idleness and Mischief Perfume Oil

    How doth the little busy bee
    Improve each shining hour
    And gather honey all the day
    From every opening flower!

    How skilfully she builds her cell!
    How neat she spreads the wax!
    And labours hard to store it well
    With the sweet food she makes.

    In works of labour or of skill,
    I would be busy too;
    For Satan finds some mischief still
    For idle hands to do.

    In books, or work, or healthful play,
    Let my first years be passed,
    That I may give for every day
    Some good account at last.

    Pollen-dusted honey, diligent tonka, steadfast chamomile, and goodly hyssop.

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  • How Doth the Little Crocodile Perfume Oil

    How doth the little crocodile
    Improve his shining tail,
    And pour the waters of the Nile
    On every golden scale!

    How cheerfully he seems to grin,
    How neatly spreads his claws,
    And welcomes little fishes in
    With gently smiling jaws!

    Chocolate peppermint, mint-soaked vanilla, pistachio, oakmoss, and green cedar.

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Mad Tea Party - The Garden of Live Flowers

This time she came upon a large flower-bed, with a border of daisies, and a willow-tree growing in the middle.

PERFUME OIL BLENDS
Presented in an amber apothecary glass vial.

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    Brusque Violet Perfume Oil

    `I never saw anybody that looked stupider,’ a Violet said, so suddenly, that Alice quite jumped; for it hadn’t spoken before.

    `Hold your tongue!’ cried the Tiger-lily. `As if you ever saw anybody! You keep your head under the leaves, and snore away there, till you know no more what’s going on in the world, that if you were a bud!’ 

    `Are there any more people in the garden besides me?’ Alice said, not choosing to notice the Rose’s last remark.

    `There’s one other flower in the garden that can move about like you,’ said the Rose. `I wonder how you do it — ‘ (`You’re always wondering,’ said the Tiger-lily), `but she’s more bushy than you are.’

    `Is she like me?’ Alice asked eagerly, for the thought crossed her mind, `There’s another little girl in the garden, somewhere!’

    `Well, she has the same awkward shape as you,’ the Rose said, `but she’s redder — and her petals are shorter, I think.’

    `Her petals are done up close, almost like a dahlia,’ the Tiger-lily interrupted: `not tumbled about anyhow, like yours.’

    `But that’s not your fault,’ the Rose added kindly: `you’re beginning to fade, you know — and then one can’t help one’s petals getting a little untidy.’

    Violet petal, violet leaf, osmanthus, orris, mint, and opoponax.

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    High-Strung Daisies Perfume Oil

    `It says “Bough-wough!” cried a Daisy: `that’s why its branches are called boughs!’ 

    `Didn’t you know that?’ cried another Daisy, and here they all began shouting together, till the air seemed quite full of little shrill voices. `Silence, every one of you!’ cried the Tiger-lily, waving itself passionately from side to side, and trembling with excitement. `They know I can’t get at them!’ it panted, bending its quivering head towards Alice, `or they wouldn’t dare to do it!’ 

    `Never mind!’ Alice said in a soothing tone, and stooping down to the daisies, who were just beginning again, she whispered, `If you don’t hold your tongues, I’ll pick you!’ 

    There was silence in a moment, and several of the pink daisies turned white. 

    `That’s right!’ said the Tiger-lily. `The daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, they all begin together, and it’s enough to make one wither to hear the way they go on!’

    `How is it you can all talk so nicely?’ Alice said, hoping to get it into a better temper by a compliment. `I’ve been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk.’

    `Put your hand down, and feel the ground,’ said the Tiger-lily. `Then you’ll know why.

    Alice did so. `It’s very hard,’ she said, `but I don’t see what that has to do with it.’

    `In most gardens,’ the Tiger-lily said, `they make the beds too soft — so that the flowers are always asleep.’

    This sounded a very good reason, and Alice was quite pleased to know it. `I never thought of that before!’ she said.

    `It’s my opinion that you never think at all,’ the Rose said in a rather severe tone.

    Daisy, pink carnation, pink pepper, and sugar.

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    Snooty Rose Perfume Oil

    `It isn’t manners for us to begin, you know,’ said the Rose, `and I really was wondering when you’d speak! Said I to myself, “Her face has got some sense in it, thought it’s not a clever one!” Still, you’re the right colour, and that goes a long way.’ 

    `I don’t care about the colour,’ the Tiger-lily remarked. `If only her petals curled up a little more, she’d be all right.’ 

    Alice didn’t like being criticised, so she began asking questions. `Aren’t you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?’ 

    `There’s the tree in the middle,’ said the Rose: `what else is it good for?’ 

    `But what could it do, if any danger came?’ Alice asked.

    Red rose, oud, plum, bergamot, and red sandalwood.

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